


Someone Wonderful

by EXZ



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bullying, Crossdressing, Fluff, Friendship, Healthy Relationships, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Discovery, Self-Indulgent, Sweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25739290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EXZ/pseuds/EXZ
Summary: Eva was fierce. She was strong and proud and determined. Even as a baby she was making her own rules, always leaving everyone else to follow along. She was talented. She was smart. She was pretty in a way that exuded confidence and drew attention. And Max really did adore all of that about her. Admired it in a quiet way because she was everything he thought he might want to be.Max decided the worst thing about Eva was being her twin brother. Decided it when he was young and still accepting her insistence that she was the older sibling. Back when he let her drag him into all her games and mischief. Trussed him up in bright dresses, plastic jewelry, and cheap lipstick. And he was always curious. Always wanting to be a little more like Eva.Because Eva could be anything.Max just wanted to be something. Someone. Someone a little bit wonderful, if he could manage it.(Warnings for swearing, homophobia, and derogatory language)
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Another story that I also have posted on Wattpad! Hope you enjoy!

Eva was fierce. She was strong and proud and determined. Even as a baby she was making her own rules, always leaving everyone else to follow along. She was talented. She was smart. She was pretty in a way that exuded confidence and drew attention. And Max really did adore all of that about her. Admired it in a quiet way because she was everything he thought he might want to be.

Max decided the worst thing about Eva was being her twin brother. Decided it when he was young and still accepting her insistence that _she_ was the older sibling. Back when he let her drag him into all her games and mischief. Trussed him up in bright dresses, plastic jewelry, and cheap lipstick. And he was always curious. Always wanting to be a little more like Eva.

Because Eva could be anything.

Eva could be a princess, swirling around the living room- graceful as the women on the TV. Pink and sparkly. She could style her hair into spikes the next day; lips and nails painted black- dark eyes daring anyone to protest. She could be a comic book fanatic, or a couch potato, or the top grade in their calculus class. She could be a tomboy when she wanted. No one batted an eye when she walked out the door, hair tucked into a hat, face bare, and clothes loose. More boyish than even Max felt.

And it was fine.

Max wondered what that freedom would have felt like. To just _be_ whatever he wanted. But just the thoughts, silent in his head, felt like a hard hand gripping the scruff of his neck a little too hard.

_"One of these days you're going to have to learn to act like a man, Max."_

Meg was in Eva's room. Max could hear their voices, indistinguishable over the music they were playing, but there was laughter. His door was open, his phone was buzzing because Chris was trying to convince him to get online and game, Eva had a date tonight.

It was an older boy, from college. His name was Andrew. She'd met him at the bookstore she worked at. Apparently he was smart, which was something she couldn't say about any of the boys in her grade. Max was decidedly unbothered by the comment only because it had been enough to offend Chris- which was entertainment in its purest form.

She looked beautiful when she came out of her room, rushing past Max's door in a flutter of vibrant floral and heavy perfume. And he moved into the doorway to complain, if only because he was tired of the homework he hadn't been doing. Her dress was summery, modest, and soft. Her jean jacket cropped and boots lacy. She did a twirl for Max that made her little purse jingle.

"What do you think, Maxie?" She asked. Meg had done her makeup. Eva never really had the patience to do anything complicated. Her face had always been clear enough on its own that she never needed more than a splash of mascara or lipstick to look dolled up. Now she had a masterful smoky eye and pinked cheeks. Innocent looking in a way that made Max want to laugh. She was anything but. But she was lovely.

"You look like a clown," he told her.

"A cute clown," Eva chirped back, lips quirked in amusement.

"Sure," Max agreed blandly.

"Don't insult my masterpiece," Meg ordered from inside Eva's room and Eva was laughing.

"Max wouldn't dare." She winked at Max. Turned away for the stairs. "Thanks, Meg! I'll come over after!"

"I won't wait up," Meg said but it was lost to the clatter of Eva's boots on the steps. The sweet smell of perfume lingering in her absence. Max peeked into the bedroom where Meg was replacing everything into her large makeup chest.

Meg had been Eva's friend since preschool. Max figured that they had been drawn together by their similarities. Meg was as intense as Eva, but more aggressive in the way she commanded her life. Forced everyone to go accept her with harsh looks and cutting sarcasm. Her hair a mass of thick brown curls twisted atop her head, clothing lazy but clean. Messy but tidy.

Max liked her. Remembered spending weeks following her and Eva around the neighbourhood because he was too obnoxious to make his own friends until he met Chris. He still sat in with them when they hung out sometimes, but not nearly as pathetically as he had when he was a younger.

"You have way too much of that stuff," Max said with a nod to her makeup toolbox and she arched a sharp brow at him.

"I have just enough," Meg corrected. "And you're not allowed to comment until you're civilized enough to know what foundation is for."

And Max knew about foundation. About most of it. Watched too many tutorials to not know but he would never admit it aloud.

"Whatever," Max rolled his eyes, lingered in the doorway before moving in and collapsing into Eva's desk chair. Couldn't really say why. Maybe he was curious again. Maybe he didn't want to do his homework. Meg watched from her perch on the bed; stopped putting her things away to smirk at him.

"Would you like me to pretty you up, too?" She teased, and he considered just saying _yes_. Wondered if it would feel any different from the cheap kids' stuff Eva used to put on him.

"Trying to civilize me?" He retorted instead, forced his fidgeting fingers flat on his thighs.

"Maybe I'm just sick of your ugly mug," Meg taunted, picked up a brush to point at him with exaggerated movements. "You could really use a little touch up."

"Tell me more," Max deadpanned, and she laughed.

"I could cover that bruise," Meg told him, and his fingers involuntarily brushed the greening mark on his cheek. A clumsy fight at lunch hour last week.

"But it's so colourful," Max said. "Doubt your concealer is that good, anyway."

"That a challenge?" Meg asked, and Max shrugged, silently scooted his chair closer. Wondered what she would do to him. If she would do anything. He hoped she would but he couldn't _ask_. He felt a little fluttery. The back of his neck heating. She laughed, but not at him he thought. "Okay then."

"Make me beautiful," he told her, smirking a little to inject humour into his voice, but mostly feeling wrung out. He hadn't touched a makeup brush since he was seven and Eva had painted him up. His dad had made sure of it. But his father wasn't here anymore. No one was but Meg. He felt a little daring.

"Pay attention," Meg ordered. Started unpacking her things. "I'm quizzing you after."

_

Max always looked more like Eva than he did like his older brother, Bastien. Only slightly taller than her but just as slim. Same wide brown eyes. Same fine black hair in nearly the same cut- but hers was called a pixie and his was called unruly- lazy. High cheekbones and plump lips. When they were little they could pass as each other. Now she'd softened and curved where he'd gotten tougher. Scarred and a little rough.

Meg could make him look just like Eva again. It stunned him, the first time he saw it in the mirror. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. Her face on his body. Her face on him felt wrong when he was such an idiot. A coward. He let Meg do it a few more times after that. Wondered if the more often it happened, he might get more comfortable. Maybe feel a bit more like her. Fearless.

He liked it more when Meg made him look like someone else. Someone soft and vaguely unfamiliar. His own features made gentler. Eyes wider and skin unblemished. He liked that face more. Kept the makeup on a little longer while they sat around his room or Meg's.

And it was a bit weird to start hanging out with Meg without Eva. But not uncomfortable. He'd known her too long. She said she could use someone to practise on and he said he had nothing better to do. She didn't need to be told that he'd rather keep their little makeup sessions between the two of them. He hadn't even told Chris. Even when Chris wondered why Meg had been texting him more.

Meg came to his room while Eva was out with her other friends. School friends, dance league friends, boyfriends. And Max hung out with Meg.

And he did her makeup sometimes. Let her mock him the whole time, telling him he'd face hell if he made her look like shit. And the first time he did, so she made him wear fake eyelashes. Which really was hell. But the second time wasn't bad and she left it on even when she left. The third time was better.

"Keep that up and I just might think you're learning," Meg said, tilting her face to peer into the mirror. He was keeping it simple- unwilling to follow the more complex tutorials he'd seen when his hand was still unsteady. Awkward. Not quite ready to tell Meg he watched makeup tutorials at all.

"Don't get your hopes up," Max deadpanned.

_

Eva flourished in school. Max didn't. He was medicated, but sometimes the pills just didn't quite control the ADHD. A learning difficulty here and an overactive imagination there. Sometimes he didn't understand even when he paid attention, empty words floating past his ears, and sometimes he'd be able to understand if he could just pay attention.

He spent a couple days completely lost in his head, leg bouncing at rapid speed under his desk. Meg recommended he buy his own makeup, so he didn't always have to use her shades. His complexion was so much darker than her own, after all. And he liked the idea more than he wanted to admit but wasn't sure how to go about it. Wasn't sure he wanted to be caught buying makeup.

He wondered what Jake would say if he ever found out.

_"Why do you have to be such a freak?"_

He spent at a ridiculous yellow picnic table, because the weather was nice, and because Chris was there. He copied Chris' math homework into his own notebook while Chris watched and ate a sandwich. It was warm out. Sunny and bright and he could see Meg eating lunch with her friend Brook under a tree. Eva and her group of friends were spread over the bleachers, voices loud enough to drift over.

Chris was quite a bit taller than Max, heavily freckled, and his hair was a very light blond. Chris was one of Max's favourite people. Kind and easy. Funny and smart. They'd met in fourth grade and had bonded over _Pokémon_ cards. Had joined soccer together after kicking the ball around Max's backyard for a couple years. Had sort of kissed in eighth grade but that had been purely scientific; the results being that Max was very gay and Chris was very not.

Chris watched him work with a quizzical look. "You've been really squirmy lately. What's up?"

"Going to dad's this next weekend," Max muttered, and it wasn't a lie really. Enough that he didn't have to explain that he was working himself up about everyone finding out how much of a freak he was. Not a conversation for school. Not really a conversation to be had.

Chris winced in sympathy because he was a good friend.

"You could hide out at my place again," Chris offered, and Max pursed his lips unhappily.

"Dad threw a hissy fit last time I skipped his weekend," Max complained. He complained often because it made no sense why his dad had wanted shared custody after the divorce. Even though Max was the cause of the divorce. Max threw his pencil down because he could barely read what he was copying down anyway. "I don't know why he cares. Not like actually he wants me there."

"Tell him to go fuck himself," Chris said. Not for the first time, and Max laughed, allowed himself to imagine it. Had too stop because he could also imagine a harsh hand at the back of his neck. A painful squeeze.

" _Why can't you just behave?_ "

Jake and Sean sat with them for lunch. Sometimes Jonah and Remy would too, but not today. They were all on the same soccer team and sometimes that meant they were friends.

Sean was the tallest of them, skinny with cropped hair and dimples on his cheeks. Jake was a tiny bit shorter than Chris and broader than the rest of them, with thick arms and a long undercut. Max had known Jake the longest, since primary, but he hadn't become friends with him until Sean and Chris had become friends in seventh grade. And even then, Max knew _friends_ was too strong of a word to describe his relationship with Jake. He liked to fuck with Max. Get him mad enough he started throwing punches. Jake liked to see him snap. Max just liked to play soccer.

"Hey, losers," Chris greeted as they sat down. Max didn't bother more than a small nod.

"You wound me, Christopher," Sean grinned.

"You say that like I care," Chris taunted, and Sean laughed. Jake leaned across the table to show Chris something on his phone that made Chris laugh really loud. Jake didn't look at Max and Max was okay with that today. "Same."

"Yeah," Jake snickered. "Thought you'd like that."

They talked a bit more and Max let himself drift off in thought because he didn't feel particularly included. He wondered where one would go to buy makeup. He wondered if it was worth the risk going to the local mall or if he should drive to the next town over to avoid being recognized. He didn't really react to anything around him until Chris was grabbing his shoulder and giving him a shake.

"What?" Max blinked at his friend and Chris frowned at him.

"What is up with you?" Chris asked, and Max shrugged.

"Tired maybe." His knee bounced rapid speed under the picnic table.

"Stay up past your bedtime?" Sean teased, and Max rolled his eyes.

"Eva was up late. Some project she forgot to do until last night. I think it was close to two before she was done." Max wasn't lying about that and he was still annoyed by her inability to work without blasting Demi Lovato. "Pain in my fucking ass."

"Don't talk about my future wife like that," Sean scolded playfully, and Max flipped him off.

"You can marry her when you can manage to say more than two words to her," Jake said, pulling his food out of his bag, and Chris laughed.

"Love doesn't have a spoken language," Sean retorted with a suggestive wiggle of his brows.

"Try telling her that," Chris snickered.

"I'll tell her in the language of _love_ ," Sean drawled.

"She would end you," Max told him, not particularly comfortable with the direction of the conversation. It was never comfortable to hear how they talked about his sister. "Painfully."

"I'd let her," Sean said. "She's like an angel."

"She's still dating that college guy, isn't she?" Chris asked, and Max nodded helpfully.

"Lame," Sean sighed, propped an elbow on the table and rested his chin in his palm. Smirked at Max. "Too bad you weren't identical. Could you imagine two Eva's?"

"What a nightmare," Max mumbled. The back of his neck got hot.

"Dream come true," Sean corrected.

"Just date Max," Jake said, cold eyes meeting Max's. "Slap a dress on him and he's pretty much a girl anyway."

Max felt his stomach drop. Palm started sweating. "Fuck you, Jake."

"My bad," Jake said insincerely. "Thought you were into that stuff."

"Quit being an asshole," Chris said, still smiling. "Max is way too butch to pull of a dress. Have you seen his arms?"

Max rolled his eyes, smacking Chris' groping hands away from his biceps.

"Max isn't really my type," Sean was saying anyway. "Think I'd still prefer the real deal."

"You're a creep," Max told. "Now stop talking about my sister before I have to kick your ass."

Jake snorted derisively at Max's statement, but Sean held his hands up in mock surrender. Max turned away from them, annoyed. Watched Eva talk, everyone paying her attention.

_

Max got home from the mall and blessedly no one but Bastien was home. But Bastien was locked away in his own room working on college assignments. Unproblematic. Max rushed to his room, letting his black hood fall back from his head but still feeling like a criminal as he carted the bag of newly purchased makeup product.

Bastien wouldn't bother him and Eva and his mom wouldn't be back until after dinner. Max still closed the door behind himself, pushed his chair in front of it to be safe. Still waited several minutes before he carefully took out all the new bottles and brushes and tubes and placed them on his desk. They looked out of place with the clutter of his school work.

It was weird doing his makeup alone, without Meg sitting by or doing it for him. Felt like he was breaking more and more rules. Sitting on the floor in front the mirror that was his closet door. But it was freeing somehow. He felt giddy as he pinned his bangs back to get better access to his face, like Meg did.

And he didn't look like Eva. But he was pretty and soft. Pink lips and big eyes. Stared at his reflection for a while. It felt a bit like a victory. He considered sending a picture to Meg but decided against it in case she happened to be with Eva. Eva hadn't specified which girls she would be hanging out with today.

Max left his room a couple hours later to wash his face in the bathroom, not really wanting to push his luck. Peeked into the hall before he stepped out. And stopped at Eva's door. And her room was a mess that smelled soft and clean, because she'd done her laundry that morning and hung all her clothes to dry around her room. And the pretty floral dress she'd worn for her date with Andrew hung innocently on her door. Fluttered when Max walked by and he stopped.

He had the dress in his hand when he went back to his room. It was soft and flowy. Felt wrong to be holding it. Cautiously held it up to his face to see how it looked next to his lipstick. Tried not to feel ridiculous. Like a freak. Tried to ignore the rough memory gripping his cheeks.

_"What the hell have you got on your face? Take that off."_

The dress fit different than it did on Eva. Loose on his chest where he couldn't fill it. It went right past his collarbones without any show of chest. Made his waist look small where it was tight before it fanned out at his hips. It ended mid thigh. Felt weird brushing his legs. He ran his fingers through his hair so it fell flatter over his forehead.

He wasn't quite Eva but he was pretty.

A text from Chris asking if he wanted to get online killed the vibe a little. And Max took the dress off. Washed off his face and mussed his hair. Tucked the dress carefully under his bed so no one could see it. Figured Eva wouldn't notice. She had more than enough dresses.

_

Except she did notice a few days later, calling out to their mom to ask if she'd seen it. But no one had seen it and Max didn't fess up. Didn't feel particularly guilty hiding it under his bed. Decided not to tell Meg he'd taken it because it was Meg Eva was complaining to about the dress. He wasn't sure if Meg would make him give it back.

Max put on the dress a few more times before he stole a bra from Eva. Tried not to feel like a weirdo when he snuck into his sister's room to steal it. A simple blue one with little white dots on it. He was glad Eva was so damn flat because he didn't really have to stuff much in the bra to look normal. And later still, he decided to shave his legs and under arms. They were ruining the vibe.

Regretted it in gym class the next day when Chris blinked at his legs. When he met Max's gaze he seemed to decide not to ask, grinned instead.

"Hot."

"Damn right," Max muttered quietly, and Chris laughed. Because he was a good friend and he didn't care if Max was a weirdo sometimes.

Jake didn't laugh. Glared at Max when they were standing around ignoring the teacher's instructions. Sean said he would mistake them for girl's legs if they weren't attached to Max.

"Maybe you _should_ put on that dress," Sean teased, and Max flushed.

"Don't be such a fucking fag, Sean," Jake grunted, shoving Sean down. Gave Max a disgusted look and Max twitched.

"Mad that I could pull it off?" Max snapped, and Jake grimaced. A couple other kids laughed because volume control wasn't Max's strong suit.

"Careful Max, you queer is showing," another boy muttered behind him, setting off another rattle of snickers.

Max got to leave early for shoving some kid over. Felt heated and uncomfortable with the laughter and muttering that followed him to the locker room. Got to stew over it in lunch detention.

_

Max went out that weekend, after he got back early from his dad's. To the mall in the next town over. He felt awkward. Sat in the car and checked his makeup three times over before he got out. And he'd barrowed a pair of Meg's ankle boots and nicked Eva's jean jacket to go with the floral dress. Felt like he might fall over when he finally decided to get out of the car.

He felt exposed as he walked through the mall. Kept repeating to himself that no one was watching him and wondered if he should have asked Meg or Chris to come with him. But it felt like too much to say out loud. _Come with me while I try out being a girl_?

He didn't want to be a girl, really. He was pretty sure anyway. But he didn't just want to be a boy, either. Wanted the pretty shit. Wanted to make himself up. Liked the colours and the freedom to just _be_. Wanted to be someone somewhere between the person his dad wanted him to be and the person Eva was.

At the mall, no one cared about Max. No one stared at him and no one stopped to tell him he was acting out of line. He walked from shop to shop, browsing without much interest in buying. Smiling more than what was probably warranted. But it was nice. It was thrilling. The dress soft and fluttery against his smooth legs.

Max decided there were worse things he could be doing with his time.


	2. Chapter 2

Chris came over the next day because Max said he wanted to tell him something. They lounged around his room for a bit before Max got around to showing him the secret stash.

"So that's it?" Chris asked, not seeming particularly surprised.

"Yeah, I guess," Max shrugged, already tucking his makeup back into its designated desk drawer.

"Oh," Chris said. "I thought it was gonna be something serious."

"You don't think it's weird?"

"In this day in age?" Chris said with faux seriousness and Max rolled his eyes. Chris sat in Max's desk chair and did a spin. "You any good at it?"

Max paused, eyeing his best friend curiously. "Sure."

Chris didn't seem all that fazed by Max doing his makeup. Chris' watched Max work and made loud suggestive noises whenever Max started rubbing something on Chris' face. Made Max laugh too hard to do a decent job. Chris wasn't as feminine as Max. Jaw too square. Brow to stern. Felt wrong to cover his freckles but his eyes looked bright and sweet.

"Am I beautiful yet?" Chris asked, and they were facing each other, sitting on the floor in front of the mirror and Max thought about that kiss because it was hard not to when they were so close. Hard not to when he really loved this dumb idiot that was his best friend. Smothered the sudden rush of longing that he could just have Chris. It would be easy as breathing.

"Try to be realistic," Max said instead of voicing his violent swell of affection.

_

Meg invited Max to hang out with her and her friend Brook. The most Max had ever seen Meg text in one sitting was the paragraph she sent Max explaining that Brook was a precious human and Max should love her. Apparently, Brook was really into art makeup and Meg thought Max would like her. She had showed off Brook's Instagram like a proud mother and Max had hummed, impressed.

He didn't really know Brook that well. She was quiet. Blond and small. Nice but always in a book. Chris had had a crush on her back in middle school. Had tried passing her notes but she didn't notice the papers landing on her desk, too busy reading the books hidden on her lap, and the notes had ended up in the wastebasket.

Didn't know if he trusted her enough to show her that part of himself. He felt a little naked at the thought.

"Hey, Chris?" Max was speaking before he'd actively decided, and Chris jolted a little because the classroom was almost dead silent. The teacher sent a sharp look their way but Max ignored it as effectively as he was ignoring the assigned textbook questions. "Do you still like Brook?"

"Brook?" Chris repeated, face flushing a little. "I haven't even talked to her since grade nine."

"You didn't even really talk to her then," Max pointed out absently and Chris scowled at him. Jabbed him with the pointy end of the pencil and Max twisted away, almost knocked his books off his desk. Another warning look from the teacher went ignored.

"Shut up."

"Think she's still nice?" Max continued, and Chris frowned a little.

"I mean, probably," Chris said. "Can't imagine her being anything other than sweet. Why?"

"Meg asked if I wanted to hang out with her and Brook," Max said.

"Are we finally going to talk about your new bromance with Meg?" Chris asked.

"That's not really where I was going with that," Max frowned.

"I just want to point out that I was here first," Chris said. "So she can't have my best friend privileges no matter how many memes she sends you."

"She's not my best friend and you're an idiot." Max couldn't help his smile. "No one could ever replace you."

Chris put a hand over his heart, laughter cracking his mock sincerity. "Bro."

"Shut up," Max waved him off. "I just want to know if I should hang out with Brook. She's really into makeup art, you know?"

"Ah." Chris seemed to get where Max was going with that. "I say do it. If Meg trusts Brook, then I'd trust her."

"Maybe I should ask Meg if you can come," Max started, a teasing edge. "Maybe you could try passing notes again-"

"Well, maybe you should do your fucking work," Chris snapped.

"Eh, I'll do it tomorrow."

_

Brook was really nice and she was happy enough to see Max even when she hadn't been expecting to see him at Meg's house. Kept up some polite conversation, even while casting Meg curious looks. And Meg didn't offer much explanation, smiled and shrugged while the three of them got settled in Meg's large room.

"So, what do you guys want to do?" Brook asked after conversation with Max started going dry and Max coughed awkwardly into his arm. Wondered if it would have been less weird if he wasn't wearing his soccer hoodie and looking like a dude-bro.

"Didn't you want to show me the new pallet you got?" Meg asked, arching a brow and Brook blinked at her. Blinked at Max and Max tried not to be a mess.

"Well, yeah," Brook said awkwardly. "But we don't have to do that if you guys want to do other stuff."

"No, show me," Meg encouraged, and Max nodded enthusiastically when Brook looked at him again. She did take the eye shadow pallet out and it was shiny and expensive. The colours inside were vivid and bright.

"Oh shit," Max couldn't help blurting. "Those look great."

"Thanks," Brook replied, clearly not sure what the fuck was going on and Max recoiled a little. "I bought it online."

"Fabulous," Meg said. "The pictures you sent me looked great, too."

"Yeah," Brook said, smiling more genuinely.

Brook talked a lot more once she got comfortable. And she got really comfortable after Max asked her to show him how she did some of her work on her Instagram. Max watched intently as she tried the new colours out on Meg. She used a lot of different techniques and brands that he'd only really seen online with the more professionals. He was oddly eager to let her do his face. Even if his face got hot when she thoughtfully pointed out he was the only boy she'd ever touched.

And Max let her take a picture of her finished work on his face, one she promised not to post, and only because he was a little mesmerized by the little galaxies she's made his eyelids into.

_

"Chris, you've got to ask Brook out again. And then you've got to marry her."

"What the fuck, Max?"

"I'm just letting you know. She's actually magical. Meg wasn't exaggerating."

"Does this have anything to do with the two-hundred pictures you sent me?" Chris asked dryly, and Max almost dropped the phone he was so excited. "Because it does look good, but I don't think I needed that many pictures of your face."

"I need to take a lot of pictures before I wash it off," Max explained. And he was standing in Meg's bathroom, still unwilling to bring the wet clothe near his face. "It looks awesome."

"You're such a nerd, Maxie," Chris complained. "Just get her to do it again sometime."

"I will. She totally just became my best friend."

"Wow, rude."

"If you married her this wouldn't be a problem."

"You're a problem," Chris said. "Call me back when you want to be best friends again."

_

"Where've you been all day?" Bastien asked as soon as Max got home. Max absently took off his shoes, casting his brother an odd look because he was standing in the porch eating a bowl of white rice.

"Out with friends," Max replied.

"What friends?" Bastien scoffed.

"Dick," Max snipped, and Bastien laughed.

"Dad wants to know if you're coming up this weekend," Bastien said and Max grimaced at him.

"Are you going?" Max asked. Bastien was the only one not required to visit their father every few weekends because Bastien was an adult and had school. Load of bullshit, in Max's opinion.

"If you are, I will," Bastien shrugged. Because Bastien was secretly a good brother. And their dad was always nicer when Bastien was there. Bastien wasn't a disappointment.

"I think I have to," Max said. "He got really mad at me last time I skipped on him."

"He's always mad at you," Bastien said into his rice. "Shouldn't bother you."

"Shouldn't," Max agreed lightly. "Oh well. Do you know if Eva's coming?"

"Eva's coming."

"Oh yay. The whole team," Max said without enthusiasm.

"Whoop whoop," Bastien intoned and Max laughed a little. Went to move past Bastien and Bastien squinted at him. "What's on your face?"

The sparkling remnants of what was once a work of art?

"Not a damn clue."

_

Max finally returned the dress he'd stolen from Eva. He walked into her room and threw it at her; freshly washed and air dried. And she caught it, turning in her desk chair to blink at him in confusion.

"Where did you even find this?" Eva asked and Max raised a brow. He'd probably held on to it longer than he should have.

"Laundry room," he lied, and she threw her arms up in frustration.

"I fucking looked there!"

"Not well enough, apparently," Max said and left the room fast so she wouldn't call him out.

_

"Wanna come over this weekend?" Chris asked, looking as exhausted as Max felt after the brutal drills their coach made them run. Both of them were slumped against the side of Max's car, unwilling to get in lest it be warmer than it was outside. The breeze, at least, was nice on their sweaty skin.

"Going to my dad's tonight," Max said, frowning slightly.

"Oh, right," Chris winced. "Sorry. I totally forgot."

"Yeah. It'll be fine," Max assured him to alleviate his concern. "He seemed all right on the phone this week."

"Hope it lasts while you're there then," Chris said, and Max watched Sean and Jake striding across the school lot toward them.

"Same," Max said.

"So that was hellish," Sean proclaimed once he was in hearing range. "I don't think I'll ever be able to run again."

"Go tell coach that," Jake said, a smirk crossing his face. "See what he says."

"You know what? I changed my mind, I feel amazing. Could probably run another five laps," Sean rolled his eyes and shoved Chris aside so he could fall into the backseat. "But not right now. Right now I'm dead. So dead."

"You'd think you'd finally shut up if you were dead," Chris snickered and the rest of them climbed into the car; Jake in the back with Sean, Chris got shotgun. Max flipped the AC to full blast and let Chris adjust the music. Jake made a sound of protest but Chris ignored it so Max started driving them home.

"You guys wanna head to the rink tomorrow?" Sean asked, and Max perked up for half a second before remembering he couldn't. Chris caught the movement.

"Max is busy tomorrow. We should go Sunday when he gets back," Chris contributed, and Jake shook his head.

"Busy Sunday," Jake said, and Max caught his eyes in the rear-view mirror. Jake didn't look like he was busy on Sunday, didn't look at all apologetic either. Looked pretty smug. "But tomorrow would be great. I'll text some of the other guys and see if they want to come. We could make it a thing."

"I am so down for this," Sean seemed to be coming back to life. "We haven't been on the ice in weeks."

"No, we haven't," Max muttered softly, because he'd been suggesting skating for weeks.

"Sure then," Chris shrugged and offered Max an apologetic look that Max waved off with a subtle flick of his wrist. "That works."

_

Max and his father had never been particularly close. Had been even less close since he and Max's mom had split up a suspicious three months after Max had come out. Max was grateful his siblings didn't bring it up, even when the three of them could hear their parents arguing downstairs while they were trying to sleep. None of them mentioned how often Max's name came up. Max was glad at least that no one else was outright blaming him for breaking up his parents.

Max and Bastien had a shared room at their father's house. Eva had her own. And none of them really complained about it because it was only ever for a night or two. And Bastien always brought his Xbox so they could hide away and play dumb games until they were allowed to leave. And Eva usually hid with them. But sometimes their father's girlfriend would take her out shopping to all kinds of shops with handmade jewelry and other junk.

Max didn't get along very well with his father's girlfriend, Tania. She was a very sophisticated kind of lady. Always finely dressed and perfectly pressed, a couple years older than his father. Always staring down her nose at him like he was something undesirable. And maybe he was to her.

Maybe it was because he's spilled spaghetti sauce on her white couch the first time they'd visited.

Tania eyed him as they ate, as if daring him to make a mess with the meatloaf she'd cooked. And it always made him feel too big and too clumsy. His leg bounced under the table and Eva moved her water glass further away from him when he almost knocked it over, fidgeting with his fork.

It was always fine until their father talked to him, always with that carefully placed smile and thinly veiled annoyance. It always put an end to whatever comfortable conversation everyone had been having.

"How are your grades going so far?" He asked, and Max was already taking a bite, struggled to swallow and chew without choking. Wished they could go back to talking about how boring Bastien's classes were.

"Not bad," Max managed.

"Better be higher than last year," dad started off, frowning at Max. "You're lucky you even passed last year."

"My average is almost at seventy this year," Max said, and his father didn't look particularly impressed.

"That's already better than last year," Eva said encouragingly.

"You're going to have a hard time getting into a decent college if you don't keep your grades going up," their father continued and Bastien shrugged, shooting max a reassuring look. "Has soccer season started yet?"

"Just did, yeah."

"Whose captain this year?" Their father asked, leaning sturdy elbows on the table. "I'd heard they were considering Chris."

"Chris didn't get it," Max said. "Jake's captain this year."

"Jake Gallagher?" Dad repeated and Max nodded. "I remember him. His father coached the elementary teams. Great kid. Excellent player."

"Sure," Max mumbled, sinking down in his chair a bit.

"Tania," Bastien started off. And Bastien was the only one who looked like their father. Tall with square shoulders. Wavy hair, sharp jaws, and wide, daring smiles. "Did you do something different with your hair? I swear it's longer now."

"I actually got it cut," Tania said and Bastien hummed thoughtfully, smiling in such a way that Tania looked self-conscious.

And Eva snickered into her plate. And Max tried not to bring attention to himself and almost dropped his knife trying to cut his meatloaf as quietly as possible.

"Looks great," Bastien decided.

_

"Look at this scarf," Eva ordered, and Max tilted his head toward her, still sprawled over her bed. "I bought it while I was out with Tania."

"Nice," Max said. And it was nice. Splashes of vibrant pinks and oranges- it looked like summer.

"Yeah," Eva said, tugged it around her shoulders like a shawl. "It's handmade."

"Crazy."

"Yeah," Eva sighed. And she turned to frown at Max. "I think her and dad are planning to get married."

"Oh," Max said. "Why?"

"She was saying some stuff about wanting to really bond with me and about us being family," Eva explained, chewed her lip.

"Oh." Max wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"If dad remarries, I don't think I want to be a part of it," Eva said, and Max blinked at her. "I don't even know if I want to be a part of dad anymore."

"Oh." And Max didn't know what to say to that either. He didn't really want a relationship with his dad anymore, either. Had overheard one too many of his father's opinions about him. Was too aware of the new way his dad looked at him. But he was here because his mom didn't want to be the one to take away his father from him. And he was here because his father didn't want to admit he thought Max was a lost cause. Max had never really discussed his feelings with his siblings. Didn't know how they felt. Didn't want to be the one to start a feud between them and their father. Felt a little suffocated.

"What do you think?" Eva asked, and it was easy for her. She always knew what she was thinking. What she wanted. Never hesitated.

"I don't know," Max said. And Eva threw her scarf on him and it was soft and cool, even though she'd just been wearing it. Covered his face like a shield.

"Someday you're going to have to tell me what you're thinking," Eva told him, and he watched her threw the thin material of the scarf, blurry and pink like a sunset. "You're allowed to have a voice."

_

Max decided to try going out as a girl again the next weekend. His mom was at work, Eva and Bastien were both out with friends. He barrowed more clothing from Eva. A black skirt that ended just above his knees and a pale knitted sweater that was soft with long sleeves that almost covered his hands. That made him feel small but in a nice way. He also stole the pink and orange scarf, wrapped it around his neck as Eva had on Monday. It matched the pink tones he'd used on his face.

He went to the same mall as last time and felt a bit more relaxed. He texted Chris as he walked around. And Chris didn't seem all that phased by Max's crossdressing adventures. Seemed more interested in complaining about being stuck at his grandparents house with nothing to do.

And it was nice. Max bought himself perfume- a pretty citrusy smelling one that he knew Meg would hate. And he bought himself a necklace. One with a long chain and a heavy black and gold teddy bear pendant that was too adorable for Max to walk away from. He felt a little giddy putting it on, sent about a dozen pictures of it to Chris before he realized that was probably weird.

But Chris only said that it was really fucking cute. Because he was a good friend. Max adored him.

Max stopped for lunch before he went home. A late lunch because it was two in the afternoon and also because he wasn't quite ready to go home. He went to the tiny Subway in the mall, mildly pleased because it was pretty much empty except for an older couple eating at one of the tables.

And the man behind the glass.

Max stopped a few feet from the counter at the sight of the man on the other side, scrubbing dutifully at metal surfaces, not yet noticing Max.

And he was tall and broad-shouldered, the uniform polo pulled tight over his chest. He had dirty blond hair that kind of stuck up in the front, and sturdy facial features that made him look like he belonged on a ranch or the cover of middle-aged-women's romance novel. Except for maybe the blue hearing aids in his ears.

He looked up and Max wasn't sure how long he'd stood there staring like a freak. He felt his neck get hot and tried not to squirm as their eyes met.

"Hello," the man's voice was deeper than Max was expecting. Polite and friendly. His nametag said Kevin. "How're you doing today?"

"Good." And Max would never admit to how high his voice sounded. "Thanks. And- uh, how are you?"

"Great, thanks," Kevin grinned, all white teeth and dimples. Hazel eyes and scattered freckles over a tan face. Stubble over a square jaw. "What can I get you?"

And Max realized he was supposed to be ordering food, stumbled closer to the counter and tried not to look like a mess. "A sandwich?"

"Six-inch or footlong?" Kevin asked, lips quirking into a smile.

"Footlong," Max answered, trying to smother the dick jokes that rose in his mind. He was supposed to be a lady. "Er, Italian bread?"

"Awesome," Kevin said, nodding absently as he got the bread ready. Max watched, fingers twitching together. Tried not to sound as awkward as he felt, asking for chicken and cheese and lettuce and mayo and olives.

"Olives?" Kevin repeated, and Max's neck felt hot at the teasing grin the man shot him. "You just had to ruin it."

"You're not allowed to judge me," Max retorted, smiling shyly. "Customer's always right?"

"Nothing about olives is right," Kevin argued, and Max couldn't help but laugh and Kevin's grin got brighter. "Toasted?"

"Only if you're done bullying it," Max said, and Kevin snickered. He closed the sandwich and put it on the tray for the little oven thing. Turned back to Max once it was settled and seemed to hesitate a moment.

"That's a really cute necklace," Kevin said, and Max immediately touched the little bear pendent.

"Thanks," Max beamed, unable to help his pleased flush. "I got it today."

"Looks good on you," Kevin offered, and he leaned his arms slightly on the counter to smile at Max.

"Thanks," Max said again, struggled for a proper response. "I like your nametag."

"It's pretty nice isn't it," Kevin said with a laugh, glancing down at his chest.

"Kevin is a nice name," Max offered, and Kevin rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling.

"Thanks. My mom gave it to me," Kevin said, and Max laughed again. "What about you? What's your name?"

"Max," he replied, fidgeted with the sleeves of Eva's sweater. "My mom gave me mine too, funny enough."

And Kevin went to reply but stopped, nose wrinkling and Max realized it kinda smelled like burnt toast.

"Oh shit," Kevin said. Turned to face the oven and pulled it open. A thin line of smoke was coming out of it and Max's sandwich was already rather burnt. "That hasn't happened before."

"Did it break?" Max asked, trying not to laugh at Kevin's horrified expression.

"Well, I didn't do it," Kevin said, flicked what Max figured was the off switch, and Max laughed. Kevin brought the sandwich to the counter in front of Max. It was overly toasted and kinda dark.

"Looks delicious," Max said, and Kevin grinned.

"That's what you get for ordering olives," Kevin said, and Max laughed again.

"Now I'm starting to think you did this on purpose," Max accused sarcastically, and Kevin shrugged.

"I'm not admitting to anything," Kevin said. Offered a somewhat apologetic smile. "I'll make you a new one, but I don't know if toasting it will be an option at this time."

"That's fine," Max grinned and walked slightly back along the glass so he could walk Kevin through his order again. And Kevin made a point to put extra olives in this time, much to Max's amusement.

He wrapped it up and put it in the bag and Max shifted to get his wallet out to pay.

"What kind of cookie do you want?" Kevin asked, and Max blinked at him.

"I didn't?"

"Free. For the pain and suffering," Kevin said, and Max smiled shyly.

"I think the oven suffered more than I did."

"Do you want a cookie or not?" Kevin said, but he was still smiling all friendly. And Max picked the M&M cookie and Kevin tucked it into a tiny bag. And then Kevin rang everything up and Max tapped his card to pay. "Enjoy."

"Thank you," Max said.

"No problem," Kevin was all smiles. Handed Max the bag with his sandwich and the little one with the cookie. And Max took the cookie out, took a bite.

"Good enough?" Kevin teased.

"Delicious," Max said, and Kevin laughed. "Keep it up and I might come back sometime."

And the promise made Max's face feel hot but Kevin didn't seem to mind, grinning right back.

"I guess I'll keep it up then," Kevin replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

"Have you seen my scarf?" Eva asked and Max looked up as she came into his room.

"No?" Max lied, and she gave an annoyed huff.

"I think Celina is borrowing my things without asking," Eva said, giving him a frustrated look. "I don't mind. But it's rude not to at least ask."

"Yeah," Max agreed, and he felt a little bad now. "Maybe you just misplaced it?"

"It was hung on my door," Eva argued. "I know I left it there."

"Oh," Max didn't know what to say to that. "Okay."

"You seem weird lately," Eva said, squinting at him now. "What are you up to?"

"Homework?" Max raised a brow, gesturing to his desk where he'd been struggling to focus for the last hour.

"Right," Eva said skeptically.

"Right." Max agreed, and they shared several long moments of silence before Eva gave in.

"Well," Eva announced. "You know where I am if you ever want to talk."

"Yeah," Max said, watched her turn to leave. "Thanks."

-

Jake was surprisingly good at kicking soccer balls. Especially good at aiming them directly for people's heads. Specifically, Max's head. And Max ground his teeth together as the ball struck him again, stumbling slightly.

"Jesus, Jake," Sean half laughed and out of breath. "Are you trying to take Max's head off?"

"Didn't even see him there," Jake shrugged unapologetically, and they all turned toward the coach at the sound of the whistle.

"Maybe you should get your fucking eyes checked," Max grumbled, stomping a little past Jake to get closer to where the rest of the team was gathering. He stumbled a little when Jake inconspicuously shoved him.

"Woah, watch it," Jake mocked. "Maybe you took a few too many hits."

"Something bothering you, Jake?" Max squinted and Jake tilted his head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jake said, all innocent and smiley, and Sean walked on ahead either not noticing the tension or trying to be away from it.

"Maybe the fact you've been aiming your fucking shots at my face?" Max hissed

"What?" Jake said. "Suddenly you're picky about what balls are in your face? Are all fags this high maintenance?"

"Fuck you," Max seethed, and Jake flicked him on the forehead. Max grimaced at the sharp pain and Jake drew his hand back fast enough to avoid Max's slap.

"Game face, Maxie," Jake said, eyes harsh and steady. "Don't wanna let the enemy know you're all messed up inside."

-

"What's got you all pissy?" Chris asked. He and Max were strewn across his room, lazy and tired from practice. Downstairs, Chris' mom was making something that smelled delicious and they could hear the crime show his dad was watching in the living room.

"Plotting the defeat of my enemies," Max deadpanned, and Chris laughed because it sounded like a joke.

"Well, I'm sorry for whoever you've decided is the enemy," Chris teased and threw his pillow at Max. "You've got a scary, little mean face."

"My face will be the last thing he sees," Max mumbled darkly, and Chris laughed again, rolling onto his stomach to see Max better.

"Let me know if you need help hiding the body," Chris said. "I've got some old sleeping bags. We could fill with cement and throw in the lake."

"You're my favourite person," Max told him, very seriously, and Chris cooed.

"Right back at you, buddy."

-

"So you've been going out dressed as a girl?"

Meg didn't seem to know what to make of Max's story and Max wasn't sure he knew how to help her. At least she seemed to think it was funny he'd met a cute guy at Subway.

"Yeah, pretty much," Max agreed, and Meg squinted at him.

"Why?"

"I don't know really," Max admitted, fidgeting with the blanket they were both tucked under. Game of Thrones season two was playing on the TV in front of them because they'd started re-watching it together sometime last week. "I wanted to see what it felt like?"

"What being a girl was like?" Meg asked and Max pursed his lips.

"I mean, sort of," Max said slowly, face flushing hotly. "I just like, being...pretty? Dressing up and shit, I mean. It's nice."

"That's fair," Meg nodded thoughtfully, and they were both silent for a few beats. "Do you want to be a girl?"

And Max was sort of expecting the question, twisted the blanket nervously in his hands. "I don't think so." I don't know.

"Well," Meg said "Being a girl sucks. Periods and wage gaps. Dicks are definitely the high life."

"I live for your words of wisdom," Max told her, and she snorted.

"Obviously," she said. They both went silent when someone on the screen started screaming. Max waited until the action was done before casually turning back to Meg.

"So, I just wanted to say that I'd be down if Brook ever wanted to hang out again."

"You're a pathetic fanboy," Meg said. "I love it. I'll let her know."

"Fuck yeah."

-

Max decided to try heading back to the Subway. Tried to convince himself it wasn't just to see Kevin- but he didn't really like Subway enough for any of his excuses to hold up. He stole more clothes from Eva while she was distracted being happy about finding her missing scarf. A blue flowery skirt that went to his knees- one Eva hadn't worn in ages- and a light sleeveless top with a neckline that went to his throat. The teddy bear pendent Kevin had said he liked because Max was a loser.

And he showed up at the restaurant after lunch, hoping to have missed the rush, and tried not to feel giddy when Kevin was behind the counter. Didn't help much that Kevin grinned at the sight of him. Max tried not to stumble as he walked in, tried to look casual.

"Hello again," Kevin greeted as soon as Max was close enough and Max's neck felt hot.

"Hey," Max smiled back.

"And how are you doing on this fine day?" Kevin asked brightly.

"Great," Max said, tried to be cool even when his face felt hot. "Better now."

"Now that you're here in this perfectly wonderful establishment?" Kevin teased.

"Obviously," Max smiled. "I just love... Subway."

"It's the best," Kevin agreed, eyes alight with mirth. "Better than the rest of the peasant food this mall has to offer."

"Its always so fresh," Max added flatly, and Kevin cracked up.

"What do you want?" Kevin asked, trying to get back on track, though still chuckling. And Max went for a cold cut combo instead of chicken this time. Listed what he wanted and Kevin was all smiles.

"And olives, Mi'lady?" Kevin taunted.

"Yes, of course," Max said, trying for his most uppity tone and Kevin snickered.

"Of course," Kevin repeated. "Who wouldn't want these little monstrosities on their sandwich?"

"You're just jealous I have a decent taste," Max said, and Kevin scoffed.

"Oh yeah, that's it." And he closed the sandwich. "Want it toasted?"

"Is that safe?" Max teased and Kevin's lips twitched in amusement.

"Who knows," Kevin taunted. "Live dangerously."

"In that case, toast it up," Max smiled.

"Daredevil," Kevin praised and got the sandwich in the oven. "Living on the edge."

"Woah, I think the adrenaline is kicking in," Max said, and Kevin started laughing again.

"Working here is such a rush," Kevin told him.

"I can see that," Max smiled. "Now I'm kind of hoping it catches fire. Quick, break the oven again."

"I feel like I should tell you that I really didn't break the oven last time you were here," Kevin grinned.

"That's exactly something someone who broke the oven would say," Max said, and Kevin eyes were crinkling in humour.

"You're right," Kevin said. "Maybe I really did break it."

"What a bad-boy."

"The baddest," Kevin assured, winking playfully and Max's face felt hot all over again. Kevin turned back to the oven when it beeped so he could take the sandwich out. Max watched him bring it to the counter and wrap it up. Kevin brought Max's total up on the screen and Max tapped his card to pay again. And it was time to go. Max tried not to wilt in disappointment.

"What kind do cookie do you want?" Kevin asked, and Max blinked.

"Why?"

"Free cookie," Kevin sang, soft and full of humour.

"For my pain and suffering?" Max asked, smiling now.

"Because you're kinda really beautiful," Kevin said instead, and Max's eyes went wide. "And maybe I'm trying to bribe you into coming back here."

"Oh," Max felt like maybe it was unhealthy for his face to be so hot, gaze dropped to watch his hands flatten his skirt. "...okay."

"M&M again?" Kevin asked, and Max felt comforted at least that Kevin seemed a little pink as well. Max nodded and Kevin put the cookie in a bag and passed the food all to Max. And Max took it with a mumbled thanks.

And he lingered and gathered up his confidence so he could peek up at Kevin again.

"I'd have come back even without the cookie," Max admitted, and Kevin's smile was brighter than the sun.

"I guess I'll see you later then."

"I guess you will."

-

"Did you get his number?" Chris asked enthusiastically, and Max was happy Chris was as excited as he was. Both of them struggling to keep their voices down so the teacher didn't scold them.

"Well no," Max pursed his lips. "But I said I'd come back."

"Missed opportunity," Chris scolded, and Max rolled his eyes.

"I don't think it's really missed yet," Max argued. Then frowned at his friend. "Do you think it's missed? Chris?"

"Sorry," Chris shook his head, leaning back in his seat so far the front legs came off the ground. "Guess you'll just have to go back and find out."

"Well now I'm stressed," Max grumbled, and Chris laughed.

"You'll be fine," Chris assured, smirking slightly. "Just tell him how much you want his footlong."

"I hate you," Max hissed and jabbed him with his pencil. Chris yelped, hand going to his side and chair legs slamming back to the floor.

"Chris and Max!" The teacher's voice snapped, and both boys faced the front. "Don't make me have to separate the two of you."

"Sorry," Chris mumbled, and Max pressed his lips together so he wouldn't laugh.

-

"Hey, Max." Bastien was there the moment Max got home from soccer and Max squinted at him. He was hot and sweaty and muddy. He wanted a shower and Bastien was way too perky to deal with. "Guess what."

"What?" Max asked blandly.

"You have to guess."

"No," Max deadpanned and Bastien gave him a disappointed look.

"Killjoy," Bastien accused then shook it off. "We're baking a cake."

"Why are we baking a cake?" Max blinked and Bastien tugged the soccer bag off his shoulder to drop it on the stairs.

"It's a sorry you got dumped cake," Bastien told him. "Eva's been having a bad day."

"Andrew dumped her?" Max asked and Bastien hummed unhappily. "Why?"

"Something about having to move away for school and him being older and them being really different and all kinds of stupid stuff that sucks to hear," Bastien explained and they were in the kitchen and Eva was laying on the counter of the breakfast bar. She was in pyjamas, an arm strewn dramatically over her face.

"Hey, Eva," Max greeted.

"Hey, Maxie," Eva mumbled, pulling her arm away to look at him. She frowned at him. "You look gross."

"I just got done practise."

"Your lip is split," Eva said.

"I took a cleat to the face," Max explained, tongue poking out to lick the wound. "It was an accident." Jake hadn't meant for Max to get kicked in the face when he tripped him. It had been an unexpected bonus. Remy, at least, had felt bad.

"Oof," Eva said. "Want cake? Cake will make it feel better."

"Cake might help," Max decided, and Eva scooted over a bit on the counter. Max climbed up and laid himself out next to her, sides pressed tight together.

"What the hell guys?" Bastien complained. "I thought we were making cake?"

"You are," Eva said and Bastien stared at her for a long moment and Max tried not to grin.

"I hate you both," Bastien sighed. "Brats."

"Love you too," Eva smirked. Then turned her head to Max. "You stink though."

"Probably," Max agreed.

"Everything stinks," Eva sighed. "Life stinks."

"Probably."

-

Max decided he should be a better brother and stop stealing his sister's clothing, especially while she was in the middle of a breakup. Max figured buying women's clothing couldn't be any weirder than buying makeup. Meg didn't seem particularly phased when he texted her so Max took it as a good sign.

Meg and Brook were surprisingly down for a shopping trip and Brook was surprisingly unbothered when Max showed up in a summer dress. And it was much more fun wandering the mall when he had Brook hanging off his arm, enthusiastically dragging him from store to store.

"I like you," Max told her, impulsive and stupid, and Brook paused in her speech explaining why dresses with pockets were a gift to humanity to stare at Max with wide eyes.

"I like you too," Brook gushed. "It's so much fun being friends with you."

"That's awesome," Max grinned shyly because he hadn't known they were friends yet. They'd only hung out a handful of times afterall. 

"You're both losers," Meg said, but her lips were quirked in a hopeless smile.

"Yeah, probably," Max agreed, and Brook shrugged.

"I'm just really glad you're not all jock like some of the other guys on your team," Brook said. "I used to be neighbors with one guy. Jake? And he was always a pain. Super loud and rough and he would come into our yard with his friends and break our toys."

"Jake's an asshole," Max told her, mildly surprised. "Not everyone is like Jake." Thank God for small mercies.

"Haven't really talked to any of them but Jake," Brook said, and Max tilted his head.

"My friend, Chris, is really nice," Max said casually. "You'd probably get along great with him."

"Maybe," Brook shrugged, attention moving back to the rack of clothing she'd been going through. "I'm fine with just you, though."

"Alright," Max pursed his lips in mild disappointment because that didn't bode well for his plans of getting Chris and Brook married, and Meg rolled her eyes at Max.

Overall, it was a decent trip and Max was able to buy a very small wardrobe of very pretty clothing. A pair of his own boots and some jewelry. All of which he stashed under his bed and hoped his mother wouldn't find. And he wondered what his mother would say but decided it wasn't worth asking over.

He headed back to the Subway at the end of the week. This time in a simple red dress, loose, long sleeved, and hanging about midthigh. Paired with his new boots and a pale scarf. And he wasn't sure if wearing Eva's bra should be getting easier- he considered not wearing it but felt the outfit looked odd without it.

He ended up leaving later than he planned because Bastien decided to come out of his room for once to hang out in the dining room. And Max wasn't about to risk his brother seeing him in a dress and makeup. Waited impatiently until Bastien was back in his room before he was able to make it out the door.

It felt like forever before Max made it to the Subway, and he was walking slowly, trying not to seem overeager. Tried not to be obnoxious as he peeked up to see if Kevin was working behind the counter. Tried not to wilt too much in his disappointment when Kevin wasn't there.

It was strange. Max hadn't actually considered what he would do if Kevin wasn't working. Wondered if he should still order a sandwich. Or if he should flee with what was left of his pride.

And then he was almost knocked right off his feet by a large body trying to rush for the exit. And heavy hands were settling hot on his shoulders and Max made a confused noise, letting himself be steadied.

"Shit, I'm sorry!"

"Kevin?" Max asked, blinking a little stupidly as he looked up. And Kevin looked way taller when he wasn't behind the counter. Looming ever slightly over Max with a startled expression.

"Oh hey," Kevin was grinning now, still holding Max's shoulders as if Max were still at risk of tumbling over. "Max, right?"

"Right." Max tried not to be thrilled that Kevin knew his name.

"Awesome," Kevin beamed- all white teeth and dimples. Then seemed to realize he was still holding Max, dropping his hands fast and face going pink. And Max tried not to notice how large his palms were. "Good to see you again I mean."

"Weird to see you out from behind the counter," Max commented lightly. Kevin was in plain clothes, black jeans and a green plaid shirt with sleeves rucked to his elbows, bag over one shoulder. He looked unfairly good.

"It's a beautiful feeling," Kevin told him very seriously, running a hand up through his hair. "I literally just got off work."

"I almost missed you," Max said, smiling slightly and Kevin looked a little bit delighted.

"What a tragedy that would have been," Kevin said, and Max rubbed a little self consciously at his heated neck.

"Might have ruined my day," Max admitted in a teasing tone and Kevin laughed, still standing a bit too close.

"I would have felt terrible," Kevin told him, smiling all the while. "Knowing that you came all this way to see me."

"And for food, of course," Max reminded him, trying not to fluster and embarrass himself. And Kevin laughed, nodding along before he seemed to realize something.

"Are you hungry?" Kevin asked then and Max blinked again.

"Well yeah," Max tried. "I wasn't just walking into a restaurant for the scenery."

"Cut me some slack," Kevin chuckled, looking shy but playful. "I'm trying to ask you out."

"You're asking me out?" Max repeated, disbelieving.

"Yeah," Kevin smiled sheepishly. "If you want. No pressure."

"Oh," Max breathed, a little too stunned to function. "I'm-yeah, very want. I want that." And Kevin looked thrilled, face bright and brilliant. Max was a bit dazzled.

"How do you feel about Thai? Because there's a Thai place here that I promise will blow your mind," Kevin said, moving just slightly away from his workplace, and Max was following. "Between you and me, I'm sick of Subway."

"Okay," Max managed, dazed, and Kevin was grinning, steps bouncing.

"Lets go," Kevin tilted his head, hiking his bag up on his shoulder as he started leading the way, casting an inviting look over his shoulder. "Adventure time."

"Well now I'm excited," Max teasing only a little, and Kevin laughed, loud and warm.

And they ordered from the Thai place on the other side of the mall and dropped into seats across from each other. And Max ate cautiously with his chopsticks, unwilling to make a mess of his new dress.

And Kevin didn't seem to mind that Max talked too much with his hands and basically vibrated in his seat with how hard his leg was shaking. Kevin talked about the classes he was taking at the local university for physiotherapy. He was only a couple years older than Max. He didn't play any sports even though he looked like a jock.

"I do not look like a jock," Kevin argued but he seemed very entertained that Max thought so.

"You do," Max insisted. "There's no way you don't play something."

"I really don't," Kevin laughed. "I'm more of a book person."

"No," Max denied immediately, and Kevin grinned. "No way. Not with arms that thick."

"Yes way," Kevin snickered but flexed his arms just a little, obligingly. Max flushed but tried to play it off. "I'm actually a huge nerd."

"Lies!" Max couldn't help his grin and Kevin was laughing too much to take another bite. "I want proof. I need evidence to believe this outlandish tale."

"I probably have the whole first Harry Potter book memorized," Kevin mused, eyes bright and smile brighter. "Want me to show you?"

"Do it and you just might be able to impress me," Max smirked, and Kevin nodded solemnly.

"Challenge accepted."

Kevin did not end up reiterating the first Harry Potter book, Max shut him down as soon as he started talking in a loud and dramatic voice Kevin insisted was his narrating voice. But they did get cinnamon buns for desert and ate them by the fish fountain. And Kevin walked Max to his car, promising his own car was in the same direction anyway.

"Thanks," Max said once they'd reached his car and Kevin had his hands in his pockets, smile still warm. "For walking me."

"No worries," Kevin promised, grin wide and fun. "It was a blast."

"It wasn't terrible," Max agreed, smiling back. And Kevin shifted his weight from one foot to the other and Max swallowed and tried to form a question. Ask for his number. Anything to stop the other man from leaving so soon.

But Kevin was perfect, reliable. Spoke tentatively despite the amazing time they had. "Maybe we could do this again sometime?"

"I think I'd like that," Max admitted, almost crumbling in relief, and Kevin grinned.

"That's awesome," Kevin said, and he clumsily pull his phone out of his pocket. "Do you think I could have your number? In case you decide you're sick of coming to Subway?"

"Yeah," Max blurted and fumbled to take the phone from him. Struggled to remember his own cell number fast enough to type it in without looking like a moron. "Great."

"Great," Kevin agreed.

It was great.

-

"I got his number!"

"Well hello, Max. Yes, I'm doing great actually, thanks for asking."

"Shut up, Chris! This is a big moment! I need you to be hyped."

"Sorry. Let me try again," Chris said, and then started again at a volume so loud Max had to pull the phone away from his ear. "Oh my god! This is amazing! A miracle! A truly blessed day!"

"Thank you." Max said once he was sure Chris was done, grinning ear to ear. "Needed that."

"I gotchu, babes," Chris cooed. "Now let me turn off my game and you can tell me all about it."

"It's fine if you're busy," Max said, and he was pacing his bedroom because he was too wired to sit down.

"You had to listen to me rant for like a solid hour after I got to second base with Rachel, the least I could do is hear about your sad attempts at flirting."

"You're an ass and I hate you," Max said without any heat.

"I know, boo."

-

Texting Kevin was easy. And quickly became consistent enough that even Max's mom noticed. Peered at him with a knowing little smile from where she sat on the other side of the couch.

"Anyone I know?" She asked and he rolled his eyes at her.

"I'm just texting Meg," he lied, and she hummed, clearly not believing him.

"You smile that much when you text Meg?" She drawled and he huffed.

"She said something funny," he told her, and she laughed at him, turned her attention to the TV.

"I don't remember you blushing that much about Meg either," she added, and he scowled in embarrassment.

"Mom!" Eva interrupted and Max cast a thankful look where his sister was breezing into the kitchen, voice high and teasing. "Tell Max to stop stealing my friend!"

"I'm sure Max isn't stealing Meg," Max's mom laughed, and Max decided to make his exit. His mother grinned at him as he went by. "Tell him I say hi!"

"There is no he," Max insisted petulantly.

"What he?" Eva suddenly sounded much more interested and Max ran up to his room before she could get involved or fight him for his phone.

-

Brook's room was neater than Meg's, smaller, but her bed was bigger and all three of them could sit on it. Brook was painting his nails with careful brushes and he was doing his best not to move a muscle. Brook had already finished Meg's nails and Meg was painting her toenails a shade of dark purple to match.

And Brook was as good at doing nails as she was at doing makeup. She could paint tiny designs and neatly apply pretty stickers. The little panda stickers she expertly placed on Max's nails made him want to die. And Max had only planning to watch, but Brook had done such a good job on Meg and her own nails were covered in pretty flowers. And they both promised that Max could just remove the nail polish before he left.

And it felt ridiculous. Sitting around, painting nails, talking shit. A lot of Max talking about Kevin.

"Only you could meet someone at a fucking Subway," Meg was grumbling but she seemed entertained and Max shrugged.

"I think it's cute," Brook defended.

"Thank you, Brook," Max said, meeting her smile and Meg scoffed. And they bickered, easy and familiar, and Max zoned out a little, lost in thought.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Brook was the one to draw him back and he pursed his lips contemplatively.

"How mad do you suppose Kevin will be when he finds out I'm not really a girl?"

The resulting silence made Max think that Kevin would probably be quite mad. Max dropped his gaze to his hands that Brook had finished painting, just holding gently. So well done.

"I don't think he'll be mad," Meg started carefully, and Max turned hopeful eyes on her, but she was looking away, expression thoughtful. "But if he is. I'll kick his ass. Because you haven't done anything wrong. Exploring who you are isn't wrong."

"You don't think so?" Max asked and she finally looked at him, face stern.

"There is nothing wrong with you being you," Meg declared. "Even if sometimes you like to dress up. You're still you."

And Brook looked particularly touched by Meg's little speech. Squeezed Max's hands and smiled warmly. "She's right you know."

"Thanks." Max didn't know what else he could say to them. What he could say to express the swelling emotions in his chest. Blinked away the stinging in his eyes. "You guys are pretty great."

-

Max was utterly incapable of removing his nail polish as he'd planned. Not after all the work Brook put into it. And not when it looked so cute. Eva especially thought they were adorable.

"Who the hell did these?" Eva cried and Max made a sound of surprise when she pulled his hand closer to her face. "They're so cute!"

"Brook did," Max said, neck getting hot.

"You hung out with Brook?" Eva blinked at him.

"And Meg," He mumbled, and she shoved him playfully.

"What did I tell you about stealing my friends?" Eva said, glare teasing.

"I didn't see your name on them," Max retorted, and Eva laughed.

"You're lucky I'm too happy seeing you socializing to be mad at you," Eva told him. "Or else I'd be fighting you for them."

"Battle of the twins," Max mumbled ominously. "Meg would be flattered."

"Meg's a freak though," Eva pointed out, tone affectionate, and Max couldn't help but agree.

-

"I can't believe she did these," Chris said, and they were sitting in class again, Max's hands on the desk to show Chris the panda nails. "They're so cute."

"I know," Max mumbled. "I was going to take them off but I couldn't. Look at their little faces."

"Adorable," Chris agreed.

"I could hook you up with my artist if you like them that much," Max started, smile sly, and Chris gave him a deadpanned look. 

"I'm not going to marry Brook, Max."

-

Jake did not find them adorable. Eyes narrowed slightly and Max resisted the urge to hide his hands under the picnic table.

"What the fuck is that?" Jake asked. And Max wished Chris was there, but he was held back by the teacher. Wished even Sean was there, but he was home sick for the day.

"Nail polish," Max said, wiggled his fingers daringly. "Like them?"

"You make it so fucking hard to stand you," Jake stated.

"Nail polish never hurt anyone," Max defended himself and Jake sneered at him.

"Just shut the fuck up, Max."

"You're just jealous," Max mocked lightly but fell silent at Jake's chilling look.

"Go die, Max."

It was strange how fast the words shriveled in his throat. His mouth snapped shut and his stomach twisted. Jake didn't even look at him long enough to acknowledge the effect he had.

"Sorry I'm late!" Chris boomed from behind them, smiling and oblivious to the tension, slightly out of breath. "Mrs. Banks was chatty today." Dropped into his seat next to Max and looked between them. "What?"

"Nothing," Jake said, and Max pursed his lips unhappily.

-

After Max came out there was an unspoken rule in the change rooms that he faced the wall. Changed with his back to the team and Chris usually at his side. He didn't often participate in the locker room talk unless it related to upcoming games or shit-talking other teams.

So Max didn't see the cleat thrown at him until it hit him in the shoulder. Let out a hiss of pain and turned sharply to glare at the thrower.

And Jake grinned, all teeth. "Oops, I slipped."

There was a scatter of laughter and Chris snatched the cleat up off the floor and whipped it at Jake. He missed and it slammed against the wall behind Jake making Jonah jump and nearly fall over. The laughter got a bit louder.

"Whoops," Chris deadpanned. "I slipped."

"Why the fuck is everyone so clumsy all the sudden?" Remy asked sarcastically.

"Must be something in the water," Jake said, and Max let out a sigh. It was going to be a long practise. Flipped Jake off anyway, with a pretty painted nail.

-

Kevin: How do you feel about coffee?

Max: I have a lot of feelings about coffee

Kevin: Good feelings?

Max: So many

Kevin: Well, would you and your feelings like to get coffee sometime? I know the best place.

And Max absolutely didn't melt into a bubbling pile of excitement and mush.

Max: we would love to.


	4. Chapter 4

"Max," Max's mother said that weekend, and Max looked up from his breakfast. She frowned at him. "Are you doing okay?"

Max realized he'd been stirring his cereal without eating it long enough that it had all been reduced to mush. "I'm fine."

"Sure," Eva said, and Max glared at his sister across the small kitchen table they were all eating at. "Because you're just naturally a broody person."

"Max is trying to bring back his angsty tween years," Bastien spoke for him. "Before you know it he's going to upstairs blasting My Chemical Romance again, moaning about how we don't understand him."

"You don't understand me," Max mumbled under his breath and Bastien laughed. Their mother frowned.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked and Max shook his head and got up to get rid of the cereal sludge.

"I'm fine," Max said, threw a smile over his shoulder. "I'm going out today."

"With Chris?" Mom asked and Max nodded along because it was easier than outright lying and less painful than telling her he was going to meet Kevin. "Alright. Will you be home for supper?"

"Sure."

"I'm hanging out with Meg today," Eva told their mom. "I haven't been seeing her as much with Max stealing her all the time."

"She secretly likes me better," Max muttered mutinously, and mom laughed.

"Liar," Eva said. "She likes me because I'm cuter and I don't smell like gym bag."

"Rude," Max frowned at her and she stuck her tongue out.

"I'm not doing anything today," Bastien told no one. "In case anyone cared."

_

His date with Kevin came too soon and not soon enough.

Max showed up earlier than he'd planned and much tenser than he'd meant to be. Dressed carefully in skinny black pants and a large, knitted gray sweater. Kept the makeup to a minimum. Tried to make himself less of a spectacle, should everything go horrible, and tried to control the determined set to his scowl. Tried not to think to much about how it felt more like he was heading in for a fight and less like a date. Not that he really knew what a date felt like.

Worked himself up in the car, as he had been doing all week. Because he knew he really didn't know Kevin. Sure they'd texted- talked as easily as they had the first time they went out. He knew Kevin was majoring in physiotherapy at the local University. Kevin who was obsessed with books and cats and had a big annoying family on some farm somewhere.

Kevin who was impossibly sweet to the girl he'd met at the mall. But would he be so sweet to Max who wasn't that. Not quite the dream girl.

Kevin had picked a little café on the crowded main street. Max was sure he'd been there before, but couldn't really draw up the memory. Looked up at the familiar sign as he walked up, peeked through the wide glass window into the shop, slowed his steps in surprise because Kevin sat directly on the other side.

Kevin didn't see him. The blond man perched at one of the tables, chin propped on one of his hands, a book open in front of him. And he looked perfect and so inviting that Max didn't quite know what to do with himself. His palms started sweating. He wanted to be there, with that beautiful man. It looked brighter over there. Like everything would be just fine over there.

Inside it was cozy and small and smelled like coffee and cinnamon, decorated largely with dark wood and colourful glassware. Max smiled a bit awkwardly at the other customers who were at the counter, tried not to make eye contact as he walked right up to Kevin. And Kevin who didn't even notice him at first, too absorbed in his book. Looked up only when Max spoke, voice softer and more hesitant than he wanted.

"Hey."

"Hi," Kevin replied, startled and a bit too loud, but he was suddenly grinning bright enough to more than make up for it. "Sorry I didn't even see you."

"It's fine," Max smiled back, just slightly, watching Kevin quickly shove a bookmark in place, letting the cover fall shut. "Mind if I sit?"

"Please do," Kevin assured quickly, and Max sat quietly.

"Hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Not at all," Kevin promised, smile sheepish. "I like reading here so I came a bit early."

"You like to read here?" Max arched a brow and Kevin nodded along.

"It's close," Kevin explained. "And it's cozy and I love how it smells, you know? Plus, it's always great to have coffee on hand."

"Ah, coffee. The elixir of life." Max drawled, smothered a smile because Kevin was kind of a nerd and it was oddly adorable.

"Right?" Kevin grinned. "Have you been here before?"

"Just once I think," Max nodded. "With my mom. She comes here with her friends a lot."

"It's really great." Kevin affirmed, and he already had a mug in front of him, most of the way gone already. Max wondered exactly how long Kevin had been here, reading and waiting.

"So," Max trailed, decided to get on with it. Rip the Band-Aid off.

"So?" Kevin mimicked, lacing his fingers together on the table. Max's own hands fidgeted with his long sleeves, painted nails peeking out. Clenched his fists tight so he could focus.

"I should tell you, so we don't end up wasting too much time," Max started, unable to return Kevin's kind look. Looked somewhere past the other man's ear because it was easier than meeting his eyes. "I'm not actually a girl."

"You're not?" Kevin blinked, expression going a bit blank in surprise.

"No," Max flattened his mouth. Kevin's eyes narrowed, leaning forward slightly to intently stare at Max's face.

"Really?" Kevin asked and Max nodded reluctantly. Kevin leaned back again, but he didn't look upset. Thoughtful, maybe. His tone was cautious. "So you're a ... guy?"

"Well, yeah," Max frowned. Knew the question was coming. Still felt conflicted about his answer. "I think. I don't know."

He sounded stupid. Kevin's brows went up.

"I'm just trying things out. Trying to be more me," Max tried. Sounded better. "I guess."

"All right," Kevin said, carefully. Flattened his hands against the able. Max realized the table was shaking. Realized his leg was bouncing. Couldn't stop it. "So what do you want me to call you?"

"What do you mean?" Max squinted, confused. "My name is still Max."

"Well that does make things a bit easier," Kevin smiled a bit. "I meant pronouns, I guess? I've been calling you 'she', but I'll call you 'he' if you prefer it. Or 'they'. Whatever you like."

And Max didn't really know what to say to that. Didn't know what to do in the face of those impossibly kind eyes. To the gentle set of Kevin's face, expression open and genuine and honest and what the fuck?

"Anything," Max breathed, eyes so wide, leg finally stilling at the shock. "You can call me anything you like."

"Alright," Kevin murmured back, grin returning like they'd just shared some delightful joke. Max was sure he might die. "Anything."

"I've never actually dated before," Max confessed much later into the date, both of them clutching hot mugs, sharing tiny, shy smiles.

"I've never dated a boy before," Kevin replied, and Max rolled his. Kevin grinned wider and corrected. "A sort-of-boy. A not-quite-boy. A very lovely not-boy."

"Stop," Max commanded, hiding his growing amusement by taking a sip of his latte. It was too hot. Scalded his mouth but he pretended it didn't. He didn't fool Kevin who winced in sympathy and blew on his own drink.

"Well I think this is going great," Kevin decided, and Max chocked back a laugh.

"You think so?"

"Yeah," Kevin hummed. "I'd even say it's deserving of a second date. If you agree."

"A second date?" Max parroted stupidly.

"Crazy isn't it?" Kevin hummed, cheeks going pink.

"You don't mind that I'm...," Max trailed, unsure how to finish his thought but Kevin shrugged, seemingly understanding.

"Well, no harm in trying things out, right?" Kevin said, smile going shy. "I really like you. Whatever you you wanna be."

"It wouldn't hurt to try," Max managed.

"You never know," Kevin teased. "It might even be fun."

Max wondered if all of Eva's dates felt like this. If they did, he could understand why she went on so many.

_

"This guy sounds a little too perfect," Chris said. "I don't know if I trust him."

"It's impossible not to," Max said, a bit dreamy. "He's just... so nice."

"Well you've just convinced me," Chris sassed, sounding amused but Max couldn't see his face when they were laying in the grass. They'd been in Chris' backyard since Max had come over, eager to talk about his date.

"Shut up," Max said mildly, and Chris laughed a little.

"So you're going to see him again?" Chris asked.

"Oh, for sure," Max said. "We were thinking about going to the zoo or something."

"That's adorable," Chris deadpanned.

"It is isn't it?"

_

The nail polish started to chip off and Max considered finally removing it. But the thought of going back to school with naked nails felt like giving in somehow. Like losing to Jake. And Brook was more than willing to help him paint his nails again.

Max was worried hanging out with Brook would be weird without Meg, but it wasn't. Brook took him up to her room, all smiles and funny stories about her younger siblings. And Max found out that Brook is an artist, the painting kind with a big canvas drying on her desk.

"I really like painting," Brook explains when Max asks.

"That's amazing," Max gushes. Brook took out more of her paintings and sketches at Max's request, he notices more on her walls that he'd just assumed were prints or posters. "Now it totally makes sense how you're so good with makeup."

"Makeup was actually harder to learn," Brook pursed her lips. "I had to practise a ton to be any good at it."

"How long have you been doing it?"

"Makeup or painting?" Brook asked and Max shrugged.

"Both, I guess."

"I've been painting for a while. Since I was little," Brook said, touching the fresh painted canvas. "I didn't start makeup until a year or two ago."

"Really? I'd have guessed you were doing it for a while," Max mused. "You're so good at it."

"Well, I wasn't really into it before," Brook shrugged. "Not until I met Meg anyway."

"So you got into it because Meg liked it?" Meg teased slightly and Brook gave a half shrug, face pinking a little.

"I really wanted Meg to like me I guess," Brook explained sheepishly, face pinking slightly. "I had to make sure we had things in common."

And Max abruptly noticed the repeating themes in the paintings. Lots of women, dancing and colourful, and rainbows. Two little girls holding hands in the shade of an enormous flower. Max realized he'd most definitely missed something up until then.

Felt his dreams of getting Chris and Brook together crashing and burning.

"That's...," Max cleared his throat, fighting off his own blush while Brook started digging out her nail polish. "That's really sweet actually."

"Thanks," Brook beamed, sweet and soft. "Now what colour do you want?"

_

"Nice nails," Bastien smirked. They were sitting at the table, eating breakfast alone because Eva was still in the shower and their mom had left for work.

"Thanks," Max said with forced casualness because his nails were a bright, daring pink.

"Suits you," Bastien said and Max decided to take it as a compliment.

"You should try it," Max said, meeting his brother's gaze. "It would really bring out your eyes."

"You think so?" Bastien said sarcastically, scooping some cereal into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously.

Max looked down at his fingers. A colour chosen while he was still riding the high of things going so well with Kevin. Still feeling invincible. His leg bounced and he almost knocked over his glass of orange juice when he reached for his spoon.

_

Jake was especially tolerable at school, seeming to have come to the decision to just aggressively ignore Max's weirdness. Besides an extremely judgemental look cast down at Max when they sat down for lunch, he didn't acknowledge the pink. He was much easier to be around when he was like this.

It was other boys in their grade, boys Max didn't really like to associate with, that started trouble this time. A scattering of laughter and a clatter of obnoxious grins as Max stopped at his locker to swap out his textbooks. A smarmy voice that grated on all Max's nerves.

"Didn't know you were that kind of gay, Max."

Max felt a little less invincible then.

Chris didn't think the lunch detentions Max wracked up were worth the punch he threw, but he didn't comment. He wasn't the one who had to deal with everything. Just ignoring them only worked so well. Sometimes certain people needed a little bit of punishment to properly dissuade them from their improper behaviour.

Max's mother really didn't think picking a fight was a good idea. She never did.

"You would not believe the call I got today," she started as soon as Max arrived home from school. Max's siblings were all suspiciously absent. Max pinched his lips shut, resigning himself to her frustrated glare. "Because I swear I taught my children that fighting was unacceptable."

But she wasn't nearly as mad as he suspected, when she pulled his bruised hands onto the counter so she could inspect the damage. Purpled knuckles that looked ridiculous with his stupidly pink nail polish. And she was silent for a few long moments. She didn't ask why he'd been fighting.

"Are you okay, Max?" She asked, tone gentle, and Max stared back at her. Into warm brown eyes that matched his own.

"I will be," he replied. Thought he meant it.

_

Eva has her bedroom door open, music blasting, tossing clothing from her closet to her bed. A whirl of colours and sounds, she's singing along, looks like she's dancing. Effortless. Max stops in the doorway to survey the scene and she notices him after a few moments.

"What's up?" Max asks and she laughs, a delighted sound.

"I've got a date tomorrow!" Max doesn't say a word about Andrew, or any of her other recent failed relationships. He would hate to be the one to upset her again, hate to be the one to shame her.

"Do I know him?" Max asked and she gave a devious little smile.

"You don't," she sang, knowingly and bright. "know her."

"Her?" Max blinked, incredulous. Another thing he'd missed? Somehow? In his own sister?

"Yepp!" Eva's enthusiasm could not be stopped, already back in motion, her nice clothing strewn out so she could see every option. "After Andrew I thought, maybe I should try something new. Maybe I've been looking in the wrong place. Limiting myself, you know?"

"Try something new?" Max repeated. As if it was that easy. And maybe it was for someone like Eva. Someone so...fearless. Brave. Brilliant. Untethered and unoppressed.

"Yeah." And Eva softened ever slightly. A sweet little smile full of secrets. "Her name is Daryn. Isn't that pretty?"

"Yeah," Max managed. Tried desperately not to sound unpleasant. "How did you meet?"

"She sat with me at the library," Eva told him. "I was doing my calculus assignment and she just sat down across from me and started working. And when I was ready to leave, she stopped me. Asked if we could work together again sometime."

"So this is a study date?" Max raised a brow and Eva rolled her eyes.

"No, that's how we met," Eva said. "And that was a couple weeks ago. We're going to go thrift shopping tomorrow. She knows all these cute places she thinks I'd like."

"That sounds nice," Max said lamely, and Eva was humming all over again, turning to face her clothes.

"It's going to be amazing," Eva declared, threw a smirk over her shoulder. "And I'm going to look perfect."

"Perfect for thrift shopping," Max mumbled, and she waved him off.

"You have to put effort in so they know you care," Eva said, settled her ever moving hands on her hips. "Didn't you know?"

"Obviously," Max said sarcastically. "Because I have so much experience dating." And he did have something now. An experience. Wondered if he should say something about that. She was already moving on, ignoring or not noticing his lapse.

"I think it's important anyway," Eva mused, picked up that sunset scarf that Tania gave her, casually tossing it across her shoulders.

"You should wear that," Max found himself saying and she blinked in surprise touching the scarf questioningly. "Yeah. It's nice."

"A scarf, hmm?" Eva mused, lips quirking in amusement at his nod, tone teasing. "Just the scarf?"

"No idiot," Max huffed anxiously. Looked around at all the clothes he'd seen when he was still stealing her stuff. Pointed out a summer dress that was pale and lacy, delicate enough to bring out the colours of the scarf. "With that would be nice."

"What do you know about fashion?" She teases and Max crumbles just a tiny bit, but she's already moving on, picking up the suggested piece of clothing, holding it across her front to see. "Not bad, Maxie."

"Cool," Max perked back up a little.

"Maybe I'll get your help more often," Eva was taunting, placing her chosen outfit over her desk. "You can be my honorary stylist."

"Maybe," Max said, not sure he wanted to turn it down, not sure what accepting it would be.

"I'll return the favour, of course," Eva promised. "If you ever have a date, I'll make sure you look flawless. I'll make sure whoever takes you out is absolutely dazzled."

And Max blinks at her, flushes hotly, and she's already laughing at his expression. But it's the perfect opening-

"Hey, Eva," Max tries, a bit too soft and not all that confident, but it get's her attention. Once again he's looking into warm brown eyes. "I've got a date."

"You what?"

And it's nice to talk about it. Thrilling, even though he doesn't quite tell her everything, it's nice to share.

_

He and Kevin head to the zoo that weekend. There were quite a few people there, small families and the like. It was sunny and hot, and overall, a beautiful day. And Max tried not to seem as excited or nervous as he felt. Wore a white short-sleeved dress with a pink floral pattern, perfect in the warmth of the day. Was sure Kevin wouldn't mind but was nervous all the same.

They were only going to try-

"You look beautiful," Kevin was saying, making everything perfect without even hesitating. His smile just so fucking bright that Max had to look away, casting his own smile across the lot.

"Not so bad yourself," he replied. And if he sounded winded, neither of them commented on it.

Kevin insisted on paying their way in, though Max did try to protest because Kevin had paid for their coffee last time too, but Kevin told him he wanted to. Promised Max could pay when Max asked him out. And Max tried not to be hopelessly charmed.

"You've been here before, right?"

"Yeah," Max agreed. They walked side by side through the first barn. "My family used to come here every summer when I was little."

"Oh really," Kevin raised his brows, teeth white in his grin. "Guess you'll have to lead the way."

"I'll try not to get us lost," Max promised, ridiculously because this zoo was so fucking small. They walked close enough that their shoulders brushed, but it was amazing.

They walked over to the first couple exhibits and Max took in the familiar surroundings. Kevin seemed pleased, squinting at everything in the bright sunlight.

"Spider Monkeys," Max read off the little plaque and Kevin pointed out a pair of them playing in the corner. "Cute."

"Hey, Max," Kevin said, and Max's heart jolted at the use of his name.

"Yeah?"

"What do you call an angry monkey?" Kevin asked, already starting to twitch with laughter and Max smiled despite himself because Kevin was such a dork.

"I don't know?"

"Furious George," Kevin was snickering before he'd finished his punchline and Max could only stare for a moment at how fucking goofy that laugh was.

"Really?" Max asked, and it only made Kevin laugh harder. Max had to join in as they walked over to the other animals. "And I thought you were cool."

"This is me showing off one of my many talents," Kevin told him, looking immensely proud. "Bad jokes."

"Trying to impress me?" Max chuckled, and Kevin grinned at the tortoise in the enclosure.

"Oh of course," Kevin hummed, face fond. "I used to annoy the hell out of my siblings with them."

"How many siblings do you have again?" Max asked, and Kevin glanced at him.

"Four." Max makes an ah sound and Kevin laughs. "Yeah, it's a lot to remember."

"I've only got two and they're a lot," Max says. "Eva and Bastien. She's wonderful. He's alright. Bit of a dick, but we deal with him."

"I have a younger brother, Shephard. He's still older than you, though. Nineteen," Kevin said. "Then there's me. Then Alexandra, she's a vet. Then there's Tommy and then Emmett. Emmett is married and has two really cute kids. Five and eight. I love them. Tommy is somewhere in Africa studying spiders I think. He doesn't check in as often as he should."

"They sound pretty cool," Max said.

"Yeah. They are," Kevin grinned.

"What about your parents?" Max asked. "What do they do?"

"They still run the farm," Kevin said, ever the country boy. "Emmett will probably take over in a while though, so they can retire."

"Farm life," Max considered that. He had been born and raised in the suburbs next to the city until they moved to the smaller town. "Must have been interesting."

"Can't hate on the farm life." Kevin seemed amused. "Its nice and there's lots to do. It's more the people there that I can't stand. Rural places that have their heads too far up their asses to see the world evolving."

"That why you moved out here?" Max asked, and Kevin nodded. They decided to leave the turtles and started walking further.

"I moved up here with Dimitri and Ashton. Everyone back home gave us shit and we decided we didn't have to put up with it. So we left," Kevin's lips flattened into a thin line for a moment before shifting back into a smile. "We're good now though. Dimitri and I still live together, and Ashton moved in with his girlfriend last year."

"That's good," Max said with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, it is," Kevin agreed. Kevin's gaze was on the big cats. "What's the difference between and tiger and a lion?"

"Stripes maybe?" Max offered without much effort and Kevin chuckled.

"Tigers are missing the mane part," Kevin finished with a cheesy smile then winked at Max.

"I liked that one," Max snickered. He watched Kevin admire the tiger that was sunbathing in it's space. "Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?"

"It was a shih tzu." Kevin didn't look over, but he was grinning. "C'mon. Gotta do better than that."

"I'll try harder next time," Max huffed.

"Already thinking of next time?" Kevin teased then and Max rolled his eyes, neck hot.

"Let's go over there," Max grumbled. "Maybe I can convince the zookeeper to let the bears eat me."

"How daring," Kevin gushed, looking delighted, and Max cracked a grin.

And maybe they spent the rest of the day arguing about books. Books, because Kevin couldn't seem to understand how Max couldn't like them, and because Max couldn't imagine sitting still long enough to read one.

But somewhere along the way their hands catch and hold. Loose at first, but then tighter. And Max hopes his clammy hands don't ruin it, ruin everything, but Kevin is all smiles and perfect timing.

"Just so we don't get lost," he assures. And it's ridiculous in a place so small but Max can't stop fucking grinning.


	5. Chapter 5

Max is quite sure that if he hadn't started playing soccer, he might have played hockey instead. There was something he loved so much about skating. Every time he got back on the ice he was left wondering how it had been so long.

As long as it had been, Max was still able to skate circles around all the other guys on the team. Max took great satisfaction in winning all their races, casting smug looks across the ice at Jake.

"This is why no one ever invites you anywhere," Chris told him, once Max had slowed to skate alongside his friend. "You're such a little shit."

"You're just a sore loser," Max accused, smirking when Chris rolled his eyes. And he was grateful to Chris, for getting the guys together again so Max could come this time. Chris was just the best friend.

"I didn't lose because I wasn't racing," Chris protested, but he was smiling. "I need to grab my gloves. My hands are fucking freezing."

"Your precious hands," Max gasped, playful, almost fell over when Chris shoved at him. But followed the other boy to the door and off the ice where their stuff was. It wasn't very busy for a Sunday, only a couple other small families, mostly just the team occupied the ice. And it was better that way, they had more freedom to move.

Max sat down on the bench next to Chris while Chris started digging through his bag, trying to find his gloves. Max fished his phone out of his bag while he waited, smothering a smile at the collection of texts he had from Kevin. A list of ridiculous suggestions for their next time. He was such a dork.

"What did Mr. Perfect say now?" Chris asked, smirking a bit.

"We're trying to figure out where to go next," Max told him.

"What are the suggestions?"

"Well, he's invited me to a couple events at his university," Max pursed his lips. "But I don't think I'm all that into sex-toy bingo."

Chris cracked up, momentarily forgetting his gloves.

"Hey, losers," Remy burst off the ice into the space, nearly tumbling over his skates, and Jonah followed right after. "Are you guys done?"

"No," Max answered. "Chris just needs gloves. His little baby fingers are cold."

"Fuck you, Max," Chris didn't miss a beat and Jonah laughed.

"Oh okay," Remy grinned.

"Don't worry, Chris," Jonah said. "I think your hands are totally manly."

"Thank you, Jonah," Chris sniffed.

"Tell me more about Chris' manly hands," Remy demanded, and Jonah snickered.

"I can't," Jonah said dramatically. "They're just so... masculine."

"Butch," Max offered. "Calloused. Rough."

"Meaty," Jonah said, struggling not to laugh, stepping back onto the ice. "Meat...hands."

"What the fuck?" Remy asked but he was laughing now and so was Max and Chris shoved his bag back under the bench.

"Okay fuck off," Chris said and they stumbled away, laughing and calling to the others. Max turned to grin at Chris but Chris just stood, hands still bare.

"Where are your gloves?"

"Forgot them I guess," Chris sighed, tugging his sleeves down over his fingers. "Oh well."

"You can wear mine," Max offered, tugging off his mittens. "My hands are fine."

"But Max," Chris said, reaching for them. "Your hands will get cold."

"I'd let me hands get cold for you," Max promised, and Chris grinned.

"Bro," Chris said, feelingly and Max laughed.

And Max's hands did eventually get cold but Chris was there, ready to share the mittens. Both of them cackling when they shoved both their hands inside, Max skating backwards in front of Chris so they could properly hold both hands in knitted confines. Because, bro. And maybe because Max truly loved how irritated it made Jake. And Jake wouldn't do shit when Chris was right there holding Max's hands.

"That's pretty gay," Remy had pointed out, skating alongside them.

"It's okay," Chris assured him, very seriously. "We said no homo first."

"Why no homo?" Sean argued. "I say all the homo. Full homo."

"Didn't know you were into that, Sean!" Someone else was calling and they were laughing. And Max had to let go because he couldn't skate backwards and laugh at the same time, but Chris got to keep the mittens.

And maybe Max expected Jake to fuck with him, because things were going so well, but he was an idiot who didn't think he'd be tripped. It hurt like hell when he hit the ice and he should have been wearing a fucking helmet and if he'd had his mittens his hands wouldn't fucking burn. And Jake took the time to stop, sneer down at him while Max tried to remember how to breath.

"I'd offer you a hand," Jake deadpanned. "But no homo and all that."

-

"Are you planning to redo those again?" Eva asked and Max was a bit slow to realize she was talking about his nails. Chipped pink paint he'd been absently picking off.

"Oh," Max blinked, and he wasn't concussed from his fall on the ice, but his head still hurt. "Yeah."

"I was thinking of painting mine too," Eva mused, holding up her hands and bare nails. She cast a glance at Max. "Wanna do them together?"

And Max suddenly felt like he was seven years old. But there was no one there grabbing him, dragging him away, shaking the freak out of him.

"You're a boy, Max. Act like it."

"I-," Max swallowed thickly. "That would be awesome."

And Eva beamed, lit up so beautifully that Max felt a little dazzled by her. "I'll go get my stuff!"

They were in the living room, sitting on the floor with little bottles spread all around them. Arguing over colours and talking about Daryn and Kevin and everything. And it was awesome. And he did a horrible job painting her nails, painted all over her fingertips, but she did almost as bad on his that it made up for it.

And their mother got home from work and found them in the living room, stilled in surprise.

"What are you two up to?" She looked tired; she always did.

"What does it look like?" Eva sassed and the same time as Max sheepishly said, "Painting our nails."

"How fun." And she looked like she meant it, her smile warm and genuine.

"Wanna join?" Max asked and she gave them a long look.

"You know," she mused. "I think I will."

Bastien found them not long after, the three of them sitting on the floor, Eva and Max each painting one of their mother's hands. And Max felt oddly elated, childish. And his mother was smiling, trying to tell a story about her day without moving her hands.

Bastien didn't want his nails painted, but he stayed in the room, looked pleasantly bemused.

And Max didn't think there was anywhere on Earth he'd have rather been.

-

"Who did this?" Brook asked, decidedly unimpressed with the messy orange paint on his nails and he grinned.

"Eva," Max told her and she gave him a wounded look.

"You're cheating on me?" She accused and Meg laughed.

"I would never," Max denied, mouth quirking upwards. "I'm just...exploring my options."

"I can't believe I trusted you," Brook sniffed. And she wasn't mad, but she played it up, insisting Max had to take her out for ice cream to make up for it. And maybe he didn't really put up that much of a fight, even when Meg insisted on tagging along.

They got ice cream at the farm market close to their school and sat at one of the picnic tables out front to eat it.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Brook asked, and she seemed to be the only one having a hard time keeping up with how fast the ice cream was melting while they sat in the sun. "Because I'm thinking we should do something awesome."

"My awesome or your awesome?" Meg asked and Brook shot her a disapproving look.

"My awesome is just as awesome as yours," Brook insisted, and Meg laughed.

"I'm going to my dad's this weekend," Max said, and Brook pouted. Max wanted to pout too, but he had some dignity to maintain. He grimaced though, because he might have skipped a weekend or two and knew his dad was going to be annoyed with him.

"We'll just have to do something next weekend, if you're free," Brook decided, immediately like there was no other option, and Max couldn't help but smile, oddly touched.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could all go to the movies," Brook said. "Meg had this movie she wanted to watch-"

"Good Boys," Meg supplied. "It looks hilarious."

"So we could see that," Brook said, distracted trying to lick at the fast melting cone in her hand. She was a mess. "Maybe get food first or something."

"Dinner and a movie," Max muttered, smirking a little. "Are you trying to ask me out?"

Brook hummed teasingly. "I don't know, do you think I'm asking you out?"

"If you guys need me to step out, I can," Meg drawled. "I'd hate to impose."

"Stop it," Brook laughed at her. "You know this threesome wouldn't be complete without you."

"Ew," Max laughed while Meg just stared at Brook, eyes bright with mirth.

Brook was the last to finish her ice cream and, predictably, the messiest. Max watched with heavy amusement as she tried to use her napkins to wipe the stickiness of her fingers. He considered telling her to go see if the market had a sink or something she could use, but Meg was there. Meg pulled out her water bottle, ordering Brook to hold out her hands in a tone nothing less than affectionate.

Max wondered how long he'd been missing this. The softness to Meg's smile. The flush on Brook's cheeks.

Suddenly it was much easier to cope with the fact that Brook and Chris would never happen. This was fine too.

-

Max and Kevin did end up deciding to attend a university event for their next time. A slam poetry night that Kevin insisted came highly recommended from his own friends. Max was skeptical but met Kevin at the campus bar & grill anyway.

It had soft lighting, blue walls, red furniture and pool tables. A bar at the center and a stage arranged where Max suspected usually was a dance floor. Kevin led them to a small table off to the side of the stage and Max suspiciously eyed the bar.

"Am I allowed in here?" Max hissed and Kevin laughed lightly.

"Underaged are allowed in until nine on event nights," Kevin explained. "But you can't order drinks."

"There's always a catch," Max sighed mockingly.

They sat and Kevin took it upon himself to order them some fries and soda because you have to try these fries. And Max was just happy to be with him for another date and he would probably try anything Kevin wanted.

Kevin took off his jacket and had on a Game of Thrones t-shirt. Max appreciated that, though he did feel a bit over dressed. A light blue dress with little spaghetti straps that was clingy at the top and flared out at the hips. He paired it with a knitted white cardigan of Eva's and wondered if maybe he should have worn the bra- but he kind of hated the bra. Hoped no one pointed out his suspiciously flat chest.

Kevin, at least, didn't seem to care.

A woman was coming out onto the stage to introduce the event and ask everyone to be respectful. There were some scattered applause and Kevin gave Max a curious look.

"Are you a fan of poetry?"

"Not really."

"Well," Kevin sighed as if Max were a great disappointment and Max laughed. "If you hate it we can leave."

"Do you like poetry?" Max asked and Kevin shrugged, smile crooked.

"Only the good stuff."

Max listened as attentively as he could as people went up on the small stage and presented their works. Sometimes he just watched Kevin, how he tilted his head as if to hear better, sometimes touching the hearing aids with absent fingers. And it was nice. The people were nice, applauding anyone brave enough to take the stage. Max and Kevin made very small conversations between each performance, leaning across the table and talking in low voices.

"Hey Kevin," Max asked, after a rather sad poem a young man gave about coming out. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Kevin agreed immediately.

"Are you straight?" Max asked, flushing just a bit.

"Well," Kevin rubbed his cheek, face thoughtful. "I used to say yeah, but I guess I'm not so sure anymore. I used to only be attracted to women."

"And now?" Max pushed just a little and Kevin gave a tiny little smile.

"Well, right now I think you're the prettiest person in the room," Kevin murmured, and Max suddenly had a hard time remembering how to breath. "So I'm probably not as straight as I thought. But I'm okay with that."

They talked a bit about poetry they'd been forced to read in school. They started doodling on the napkins with a pen Kevin found in his jacket pocket. They compared scars they had from fights they'd gotten into.

"I can't picture you fighting," Max confessed, examining the hand Kevin was stretching across the table, knuckles scarred from scrap with a brick wall.

"I used to do a lot of it," Kevin said. "Back home, Ashton and I used to get a ton of shit because everyone thought we were gay. Although, I'm not sure how many of those fights I actually won."

"Why would they think you were gay?" Max asked, touching gentle fingers to Kevin's hand, feeling warm skin and fading marks.

"Ashton just fits the stereotype, you know?" Kevin lowered his voice as someone else approached the stage. "You'll get what I'm saying if you meet him. He's small and cheery and was obsessed with gymnastics and dancing. Even his family thought he was gay. Fuck, they were shoving it down his throat before he even understood what sex was. It was pretty sick honestly."

"And that's why you guys left?" Max whispered, and Kevin nodded.

"Yeah. Me, Ashton, and Dimitri."

"Dimitri?"

"Yeah," Kevin said, and he flipped his hand over to hold Max's. Max's heart skipped a little beat. "Dimitri moved in from Mexico sometime during seventh grade. He barely spoke English so no one would talk to him except me and Ash. He's the roommate I was telling you about."

"Oh okay." Max absorbed the information quietly.

"Why do you fight?" Kevin asked and Max blinked at him realizing he'd opened himself up for that line of questioning.

"Just some guys from my school," Max mumbled. "It's not a big deal."

"If you ever need me to, I'll come kick their asses," Kevin promised and Max grinned, suddenly picturing it, the ridiculousness of it. Kevin picking a fight with Jake of all people.

"I'll keep that in mind."

The whole procession ended around eight-thirty, and Max and Kevin slipped out into the cool night. Kevin pulled his jacket back on, glancing around and smiling at anyone he made eye contact with. Max walked close beside him, letting his hand catch Kevin's and hoping that was okay. Kevin squeezed his in reply as they slowly rounded the building to the parking lot.

"You parked over here, too?" Max asked.

"I walked. I don't live far."

"I can drive you home," Max offered, as they approached his car and Kevin laughed.

"I can get myself home but thank you for the offer." Kevin gave Max's hand an extra little squeeze.

"If you're sure," Max trailed off, stopping next to his car. Kevin didn't let go. Max's voice caught in his throat for a moment.

"Do you think you like poetry yet?" Kevin asked, just a bit teasing and Max had to grin.

"I don't think we're quite there yet," Max said, and Kevin returned the smile.

"You should," Kevin told him. "Some of the most beautiful things are said in poems."

And Kevin was perfect in the pale lighting, his eyes seeming to catch every single sparkle. Their hands were still linked, they were standing close enough that Max could feel how warm he was, and Max felt weightless. Fearless. Daring.

"Tell me something beautiful." A demand that made Kevin lean just a bit closer. Made him laugh a bright, clear laugh.

"Are you asking me to recite poetry for you?" Kevin teased, soft and warm.

"Can you?" Max replied and Kevin's fingers danced over the back of Max's hand, still clasped in Kevin's other. Kevin hummed thoughtfully, looking down at their hands. He leaned closer, head dipping down, and for a heart-stopping moment, Max thought Kevin was going to kiss him.

Instead Kevin's forehead knocked gently against his own, cheeks dark and eyes shy.

"Roses are red, and violets are blue," Kevin started softly, grinning when Max laughed. "Oh, how easy it'd be, to fall for you."

-

"Did you have a nice time?" Eva asks, and they're both in pajamas eating fresh cookies in the kitchen. Eva calls it self-care. Max doesn't argue with facts.

"Yeah," Max hums, still buzzing happily from his date.

"When are you going to see him again?"

"Sometime after we get back from dad's."

"I kind of want to meet him," Eva told him. "He sounds sweet."

"He is," Max agrees, frowning just a bit. "Don't you think it's a bit early for meet the family?"

"Who knows," Eva shrugged, too enthusiastic to dissuade. "But I'm thinking a double date."

And Max is very tempted by the notion.

"Maybe I should wait until at least the one-month mark before I let you scare him away," Max muses playfully and Eva mocks offense.

"How dare you," Eva says, posh. "I am a delight."


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm just saying that guys are way easier to date," Bastien announced. "Women are so damn complicated."

"Because you have so much experience dating guys," Eva teased and Bastien rolled his eyes, driving one handed so he could wave his free hand around while he talked.

"No, idiot. I am guy," Bastien told. "So, I know how easy guys are."

"Well, I'm a girl and I know that we're not half as difficult as you think we are," Eva retorted, smile playful. "Maybe you're just a lot dumber than you think you are."

"Shut up." Bastien couldn't seem to help his amusement. "I'm just saying. If you have the option to date guys or girls, it seems like it would be easier to date guys."

"I tried dating guys." Eva punctuated her words with an eyeroll. "I've got to say. Dating Daryn has been way easier."

"She must be an outlier," Bastien said, eyes flicking to meet Max's in the rear-view mirror. "Help me out, Maxie. You have to think guys are easier to date."

"Well, I'd rather date men," Max agreed dryly. "But that has more to do with me being gay than thinking guys are easier."

"But if you were interested in dating girls," Bastien pressed. "Wouldn't you still think men were the better option?"

"Maybe you'd have an easier time getting a girlfriend if you stopped stereotyping them so much?" Max offered with a raised brow. Bastien sputtered and Eva crowed in delight.

"Eva was stereotyping too!" Bastien eventually pointed out and Max turned to his window to hide his grin.

"Yeah, but at least I can actually get some," Eva said proudly and Bastien made a noise of disgust.

"Whatever," Bastien grumbled. "Max, you'll be on my side if you ever get a boyfriend. Don't know why I even bothered involving you."

Max just rolled his eyes at his brother and Eva turned in her seat to look back at Max with a secretive smile that wasn't so secretive. She winked and Max's neck got hot. Bastien was blissfully oblivious.

"You're just upset that I'm right," Eva continued her argument, dutifully changing the subject. "Besides, have you ever tried shopping for a boyfriend? It's way harder than shopping for a girlfriend."

"No way!" Bastien countered immediately.

Max rested his head against his window. They would be at their father's place soon and Max knew his dad would be annoyed with him for skipping his last few visits. His father never appreciated his flimsy excuses. Max sighed, already resigning himself to hiding in his bedroom all weekend. Max had learned years ago that it was better to avoid his father when he was in a bad mood, he already had such low patience for Max.

-

Max never understood his father's fixation with family dinners. He knew his father didn't like eating with him. He didn't like eating with his father. Tania was always too quiet and Bastien was always too loud. It felt like a mockery of the time when Max's parents had still been married, a hollowed imitation.

Max considered his chances of skipping dinner but didn't really want to risk pissing his father off anymore. Their greetings at the door had been painful enough.

"Max. How nice of you to actually show up."

Max was pretty sure he should be used to his father's disdain at this point in his life. Still he withered and mumbled his apologies. He used Bastien as a distraction, slipping up to his room the moment his father wasn't looking.

Now they sat at the table, with only Eva between them. Max tried very hard not to draw anymore attention to himself while he ate, listening half-heartedly to the conversation. Bastien complained about his group projects. Eva complained about early university applications. Tania accepted praises about the food she made. And Max knocked over his glass of water.

"Max!" Their father's voice lashed out and Max clumsily grabbed the glass to try and save the small amount that hadn't spilt.

"Can't take you anywhere," Bastien was teasing, throwing his napkin into the puddle and Eva laughed, started doing the same. Tania sighed, excusing herself gracefully to fetch a towel.

"If you didn't want to drink it, you could have just said," Eva snickered, and Max smothered a nervous laugh. Moved his cup out of the way so it didn't end up knocked over again.

"At least it was just water," Dad said, watching the scene from the head of the table, and Max looked up sheepishly. Looked up sheepishly and abruptly paled. Realized very suddenly and very harshly that he was an idiot. A massive fucking idiot.

Tania arrived with a towel and took control of the mess. The frustrated look she shot Max was lost on him.

"Thank you, darling," Max's father said to her, in his level tone and Max met his eyes. His father stared back coolly. "I'm so sorry for his mess."

"That's alright," Tania replied with an empty laugh. "I've come to expect it."

"You okay?" Eva whispered and Max realized he was gripping his glass too tight. He struggled to release it, fingernails obnoxiously bright against the glass.

"Fine," Max muttered back absently. Nail polish his family didn't care about, Kevin didn't care about, his friends didn't care about. That Jake now ignored. Nail polish he'd been too worried about his dad to think to remove. How had a few weeks with painted nails made him so stupid. "I'm sorry."

-

Max's father offered to do the dishes. Tania smiled sweetly and thanked him profusely. Max's father told Max he was going to help. Max smiled weakly and agreed, helplessly.

It was silent in the kitchen save the for sound of the dishes clanking in the sink. Max's father filled the sink with soapy water and Max clung to the dry cloth he was handed. Max wished Bastien or Eva had remained close. He didn't want to be alone with his father in the kitchen. But Tania had taken Eva to buy desert and Bastien had retreated to his room to get some studying done.

Max was handed a wet plate. He tried very hard not to drop it while he dried it. His hands were shaking.

"How's soccer going?" His father asked, tone level.

"Great," Max managed. Played along. Answered his father's questions and tried not to sound pathetic. He felt like he was nine years old again, standing in the garage hardly able to keep himself from squirming while his father kept talking. Waiting for the punishment he knew was coming. His father liked to drag it out. Max never understood why but it got his insides shaking with nerves. He felt like he might be sick.

Max dried the plates. He put them in the high cupboard.

"How are your grades?"

"Alright."

The cups and a pan.

"Your mother said you made some new friends."

"Sort of. They're friends of Eva's."

A knife and utensils. Max dropped a fork and it narrowly missed his foot. His father didn't look at him as he picked it up.

"Give it here," Dad said. "I'll rewash it."

Max moved closer, reached out to drop the fork into the sink. His father didn't move until the fork hit the water, grabbed Max's wrist with a wet, soapy hand.

"And how long has this been going on?" He was too calm, his implication was clear.

"I just painted them once," Max lied immediately. "With Eva. I'm gonna take it off."

"Bullshit," the façade cracked, and Max met his father's glower. The squeeze on his wrist became painful.

"I am." It was weak to Max's own ears.

"This shit isn't okay anymore, Max," his father hissed, gave his wrist a rough shake before releasing it with a disgusted growl. Max let his arm fall to his side, water dripped down to his fingertips. "I thought you'd finally grown up."

"It was only one time," Max insisted, pathetically.

"It's never one time with you," dad snapped, jabbed a hard finger at Max's chest. "You're a fucking man now. Start acting like it."

Protests rose on his tongue. Max twitched. "I will." It sounded like another bad lie.

"No, you won't. You never do," his father scowled, exasperated, and looked down his nose at Max. Max felt two-feet tall. Small. Pathetic. Freakish. "If you would just act normal no one would even care that you want to be a queer."

-

"Do you have any nail polish remover?" Max asked.

"Remover?" Eva repeated. She was reading on Max's bed and he was on the floor pretending to play games on his phone. Bastien was on his own bed, headphones in and laptop on his lap. "What for?"

"My nails." They were chipped anyway where he'd been picking it off. It had been a bad paint job. The colour looked bad with his skin. It was bad really, as a whole. It was for the best.

"You want to take it off?" Eva asked, perplexed. "I thought you liked it."

"I'm getting sick of it," Max lied, and Eva sat up all the way to look down at Max.

"Really?" Eva asked, skeptical, and Max nodded. Her eyes flicked to the mess he'd made trying to peel off the polish. She pursed her lips in consideration. "Tania might have some."

"Thanks," Max said, and she was sliding off the bed, heading for the door.

"I'll be right back." Max listened to her steps move down the hall.

"Why do you want it off?" Bastien asked and Max jumped, he hadn't even known Bastien could hear them.

"I'm sick of it," Max repeated and Bastien tilted his head, expression serious.

"Bullshit," Bastien said and Max flinched, glare dropping to the carpet. "You love that shit."

"What the hell do you know?" Max snapped and Bastien ignored his tone.

"Did dad say something?" Bastien asked without looking up, a forced casualness, and Max chest tightened, fists clenching.

"No," Max grumbled, shame flushing across his neck. "I can do what I want."

"That's true," Bastien agreed, and he was pushing his laptop aside, swinging his legs around so he sat facing Max. He looked oddly serious, unnecessarily frustrated.

"Okay." Max frowned.

"Okay," Bastien mimicked and Max withered a little into the carpet, unsure what to do when Bastien was staring down at him.

And Eva came back and she had a bag. She sat on the floor next to Max and unzipped the bag revealing all kinds of nail polish and the requested bottle of remover. Eva handed it to him along with some cotton balls.

"Thanks," Max mumbled, and she offered a smile. Then she looked at Bastien and Max couldn't read the expressions on their faces. But Bastien was slipping down off the bed to sit with them.

"What colours has she got?" Bastien asked and Max blinked at him in confusion.

"What?"

"She has some nice ones," Eva replied, taking out a few shiny little bottles. "I don't know why she never wears them."

"Who knows," Bastien said, picking up a metallic blue. "I'll do this one."

"You're painting your nails?" Max asked and Bastien raised a brow.

"You think I shouldn't?" Bastien retorted.

"Why would you?"

"Maybe I want to," Bastien said. "I can do what I want."

Eva cracked a grin. "You go girl."

"Thanks," Bastien snickered and Max just continued to stare, confused. Bastien smiled at him. Smiled like he used to when he'd help Max bandage his scraped elbows and knees. "Wanna help?"

"Okay," Max managed, throat tight.

-

Their father was not impressed with Bastien's freshly painted nails, but he didn't say anything. Not when Bastien was at his peek of obnoxiousness, strutting around the house and dramatically thanking Tania for lending them her things. Because he just loved the colour and he was pretty sure he would have to just keep it. And Eva was all smiles, casting big brown eyes toward their father, asking in her sweetest tone, "Do you like it, dad?"

And dad hated it. Max could tell how much he loathed it. But he didn't say a word. Smiled all calm and told them he was happy they were enjoying their visit. Max decided not to tell him that it'd been a long time since he'd enjoyed a visit as much as this one. Instead, Max tried to avoid his father as much as he could and tried not to grin when Bastien acted up. He tried to avoid his father's anger. Clung to Bastien and tried to hide in the shadow he cast.

Their father glared at Max, and Max's nails were bare, but Max knew his father was still blaming him.

Bastien suggested they leave early. He had a flimsy excuse, something vague about a project he wanted to get a head start on, but no one called him on it. Their father and Tania agreed that school was much more important than a visit. They were sure they'd all spent enough time together. Their father walked them to the door and hugged Max's siblings goodbye, as he always did. And Max pretended to be extremely busy packing the car, as if he didn't notice, as he always did. He tried to ignore his father's insistent glare burning against his back.

And it wasn't so hard when Bastien's nails were bright blue and Eva was insisting on letting Max sit shotgun. It wasn't so hard when it felt like they were on his side.

-

Max repainted his nails the day they got home. Eva told him it looked nice. Their mom seemed a bit confused about their early arrival but decided that she didn't need to know. She gave them tight hugs instead and Max thought it didn't really matter that his dad was kinda shitty if his mom gave such good hugs.

-

"Your dad's a dick," Chris said supportively, sprawled over Max's bed because he'd come over as soon as he'd heard Max was back early.

"Sometimes, yeah," Max agreed.

"You know he's wrong, right?" Chris asked. "About you not being normal?"

"Is he really?" Max raised a brow. "I mean. I spend most of my free time dressed up like a girl. I probably own more skirts than Eva does at this point. Which is not exactly normal."

"Well," Chris struggled. "I guess. But that doesn't mean it's wrong. You're not a freak."

Max winced internally, turning away from Chris to finish unpacking his overnight bags. "I never said I was."

"You were thinking it."

"You're a mind reader now?" Max joked, casting a half-hearted smile over at Chris.

"I'm just trying to be here for you," Chris said, and Max smiled for real.

"You are," Max said. "You're a good bro."

Chris grinned, pressing a hand to his chest like he was touched. "Bro."

-

Bastien left his own nails painted, even when the paint started to chip.

-

"How was your weekend?" Brook asked and Max was watching her paint on canvas for a change. Birds it looked like, all wild colours and gentle swirls.

"It was fine," Max replied dismissively. Added with more enthusiasm. "How was yours?"

"It was fine," Brook mimicked, smiling slightly and Max shook his head at her. "Meg and I watched Pride and Prejudiced and Zombies, and it honestly wasn't that bad."

"Right," Max said, tried for casual. "Just you and Meg?"

"Who else?" Brook raised a brow and Max let it drop.

"I don't know."

"Right," Brook smirked over her shoulder at him and he ignored her to check his phone. "Is that Kevin again?"

"Maybe," Max replied, neck feeling hot.

"You've been texting him a lot," Brook hummed playfully, grabbing a tube of paint to smear more on her palate.

"He's easy to talk to," Max defended.

"When are you seeing him again?" Brook asked and Max shrugged one shoulder.

"Probably next weekend," Max told her, neck a little hot. "I think we're gonna go hiking or something."

"You're adorable," Brook laughed then sighed. "It almost makes me want a relationship."

"You could have one," Max perked up and Brook gave him an amused but exasperated look.

"It's not really that easy," Brook said.

"It could be for you," Max corrected her. "You're actually perfect."

"You're being dumb," Brook scolded, cheeks pinking.

"Is there anyone you're interested in?" Max powered on and Brook rolled her eyes, looking away. Meg perhaps?

"Nope."

"There are some nice guys at our school, like Chris," Max offered, and Brook huffed a little laugh. "Some really nice girls too."

And Brook paused. Max stilled under her questioning look.

"Girls?"

"Nothing wrong with liking girls." Max offered a hesitant smile and she cracked a shy one back.

"There are some nice girls," she admitted softly.


	7. Chapter 7

"I think you've been hanging out with Brook more than me," Chris complained, and Max laughed. They were sprawled on Chris' couch, PS4 controllers in hands and eyes on the screen.

"That's because she's perfection in person form," Max said.

"If she's that perfect you can make her your new best friend," Chris taunted and Max laughed, tilting his head to grin at Chris.

"Don't be like that," Max cooed. "You're the only one for me."

"Sure," Chris rolled his eyes. "That's why this is the first time we're hanging out in like two weeks."

"It has not been that long."

"Feels like it." Chris was fighting a smile and Max snickered.

"You could always come hang out with us," Max offered, and Chris scoffed.

"I'm not going to marry Brook, Max."

"I know," Max sighed, and Chris looked away from the screen to give him a questioning look.

"Really?" Chris asked, skeptically. "After weeks of bringing it up?"

"Well, it turns out Brook might not swing that way," Max explained, only a little petulantly, and Chris blinked. And then promptly died of laughter.

-

"Why are you so nervous?" Eva asked, still sleep ruffled and bleary. It had taken a hot mug off coffee to urge her out of bed before noon and she cradled it like a treasure while she watched him. "Isn't this like the tenth time you're going out?"

"Fifth," Max corrected. "And it doesn't matter how many times we've gone out. I still want to look nice."

"You look cute," Eva assured him, tilting her head. "Like you always do."

Max thinned his lips. He was painfully underdressed for this date and not nearly as cute as he usually was for Kevin. A pair of his tighter jeans and his purple soccer hoodie. Not a spec of makeup. Very much a boy.

"Yeah," Max mumbled.

"It's not like you have to dress up anyway," Eva continued. "You said you were going down to the caves, right?"

"Right," Max sighed. That was precisely why he wasn't dressed up. He wasn't about to dress up when they were no doubt going to get dirty and sweaty trekking through the woods. He just hadn't thought so much about how he'd look when he'd agreed to the outing.

"You look fine," Eva said with only slightly less patience. "I'm sure Kevin won't even care what you're wearing."

"Right." Max sincerely hoped that was the case. "Thanks."

Kevin was already there when Max arrived, because Kevin was nothing if not punctual. He was waiting in his car but climbed out the moment he saw Max parking carefully alongside him. Kevin is beaming, rocking back on his heels waiting for Max to get out of the car. And he was dressed for occasion in a pair of heavy hiking boots and worn clothing that clung to the broadness of his thighs and shoulders.

"Hey," Kevin greeted when Max finally got out, smile too wide for the crisp morning.

"Hey," Max replied, voice sticky and nervous. But he was out and here and Kevin's smile was as bright and wonderful as always. And Max allowed himself to return it. "Hi."

"Hi," Kevin repeated, eyes crinkling in a laugh.

It was beautiful place. Tall trees and winding trails that Max knew led down to all kinds of natural stone caves. Max had only been here once or twice, back before his parents had gotten divorced. It was kind of strange being back without his family, but Kevin had never been and he knew Kevin would love it.

There was only one other car parked nearby, no owner in sight, too early in the day and too late in the season to be crowded. They started toward the first trail at an unhurried pace, Kevin filling the quiet with easy conversation. It was easy. Max allowed himself to relax a little. Kevin was easy. Kevin didn't care. Kevin was perfect.

"I think this is the first time I've seen you wearing pants," Kevin pointed out after a while and they'd both been climbing on the rocks that lined the trails, just to keep things interesting. And Max almost fell off, nervous gaze suddenly latched on Kevin's back.

"Might be," Max agreed.

"Kinda funny," Kevin chuckled.

"Yeah," Max said, voice high, and Kevin cast a smile over his shoulder, slowing a bit so Max could catch up. And Max wondered if Kevin meant it as a good thing or a bad thing. He wasn't sure how to ask. If he should ask.

And they were side by side at the first of the caves, peering into the dark and throwing little rocks at each other. And Kevin was still smiling so Max was starting to think it was good. This was good. He tried to relax himself. Let himself laugh a little as Kevin mused over what kind of creatures probably lived in such a gloomy looking cave.

He let his hand brush against Kevin's, unwilling to be as bold as to grab his hand. Hoped Kevin would make the move if he hinted at it. Like Kevin had at the zoo.

But at his touch Kevin's hand drew away, his words tripped, and he was stepping away. And Max was wrong again. He was an idiot. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling too hot and too clumsy to face Kevin.

"Sorry, I-"

"It's fine," Max laughed over him, turning away from the cave. "There are some cooler ones this way. Lets keep going."

"Right," Kevin said, still bright.

Max realized he'd probably been assuming too much. Kevin had said he was willing to give this a try. Kevin wasn't even gay, he wasn't even into guys. Max didn't even really know what they were. He'd been calling them boyfriends in his head. Dating. They'd been on dates. But had Kevin actually agreed to such a title. Max had never asked. And he was an idiot for assuming.

Assuming Kevin would be alright with him when he was dressing like a boy. When it was harder to pretend he wasn't a boy. A not-boy. He was such a fucking loser.

Max's hands clenched anxiously in his hoodie and Kevin had sped up to meet Max's quick pace.

"You alright?" Kevin asked and Max glanced at him, at the slight furrow of his brow.

"I'm fine," Max managed, squinted defensively. "Why?"

"You seem upset now," Kevin offered, and Max remained silent, looking away to watch his footing. "Wanna talk about it?"

"It's fine," Max dismissed, and Kevin hummed. Max stopped and Kevin stopped too. Max didn't know what to ask. Wanted to know. Are we dating? Are we boyfriends? Do you even like me? Why is this so fucking hard?

"Take your time," Kevin says, soothing and sweet, smile gentle. "I can wait."

"I don't know." Max scowls. "It's fine."

"Sure," Kevin agrees, and Max is walking again. He couldn't figure out what he wanted to say. He needed to think. And Kevin was matching his pace again. Part of Max wanted to tell him to back off but he didn't want Kevin to leave. He just needed a breather, a chance to clear the angry throughts piling up in his head. Max walked faster, not giving himself a chance to be soothed by the scenery.

From the corner of his eye he noticed Kevin walking faster, slightly faster than he was. Max frowned a bit and sped up. And Kevin sped up. And Max's calves were burning from the speed walking. And an infuriating grin was working its way over Kevin's features because apparently he was a little shit.

Max huffed out an annoyed breath and Kevin had the fucking gall to laugh, just a little breathless. They were almost jogging now, moving quickly over the beaten down path. Max picked up speed, he was running now and Kevin was running with him. Max wasn't sure what to say to this, what to do about it. But they were racing through the woods like a couple of idiots. Max was faster, that was becoming clear, but Kevin stubbornly kept right behind him, not letting Max slow down at all. Kevin was grinning so wide and Max was running directly away from his problems. Pathetic. 

"Okay, stop!" Max snapped, out of breath, coming to a complete stop and Kevin stumbled a few steps further before stopping too, turning to Max with an all too amused smile, just as out of breath.

"Stop what?" The innocent look didn't work with the mischief in his eyes.

"Stop racing me, you child," Max growled at him and Kevin's lips flattened to hide another laugh. "I'm trying to think."

"You were doing a lot of that," Kevin teased, and Max glared at him. They were still for a few moments; Kevin meeting Max's glare with that smile still ever present, both of them catching their breath.

"Okay, listen," Max said, and Kevin pressed his lips together to smother another laugh. "I have a thing to ask."

"Shoot."

"I just-" it was so hard to say it. "Do you like me?"

And Kevin let out a surprised bark of laughter. "Do I like you?"

"Just a yes or no," Max grumbled, looking away because he can't stand to be laughed at for this.

"Why would you think I don't like you?" Kevin asks instead, stepping a bit closer and Max peeked back up at him. Kevin's brows pinched in concern. "Have I done something to make you think I didn't."

"I mean-" Max swallowed hard. "Do you like me like this?" Max gestured a vague hand towards himself. "When I'm like- a boy?"

"You think I don't like you because you're dressed like a guy?" Kevin repeated and Max dropped his gaze again.

"I don't know," Max mumbled.

"Max," Kevin started very gently and just a little bit closer. "I really fucking like you."

"Oh," Max let Kevin's voice make him look up again.

"I don't care how you dress. I still like you," Kevin continued.

"Why didn't you hold my hand?" Max blurted, face heating because he was an idiot who asked stupid fucking questions-

"My hands were sweaty," Kevin says sheepishly, holding his hands out like Max is supposed to see the evidence in his palms. "I didn't want to be gross."

"Sweaty," Max repeated stupidly staring because Kevin was stupid. Max was also stupid.

"I'm sorry," Kevin apologized.

"S'all right," Max says, giving him an embarrassed look. "I don't mind if you hold my hand anyway. I don't think you're gross."

"You're adorable," Kevin says on a laugh, expression unbearably fond. "I don't know how you could think I didn't like you."

"I'm dumb sometimes," Max managed.

"We've been dating for weeks," Kevin said as if Max wasn't keeping track. "I've been telling you jokes. I've been writing you poems."

"Bad ones," Max can't help but tease, as if he hadn't saved every single one that Kevin had sent him, cracking a smile at Kevin's offended noise.

"I wrote those with love."

And it's way to soon for words like love to exist but Max powers through the stutter in his chest. "I just don't know what you're thinking sometimes. I can't tell if you're actually happy with me or if you're just nice because you're always nice. I mean, you said you would try. I don't know how that's going."

"What?"

"At the coffee shop," Max supplied awkwardly at Kevin's confused look. "You said you would try. You know, liking me or whatever."

"What? Max," Kevin blinked, and Max frowned. "I'm not trying to like you."

"You just said-" Max started immediately.

"Max- at the coffee shop," Kevin said, looking ever slightly alarmed. "I was trying to be funny. I wanted to date you. I wanted to see you again. I never meant that I had to try and like you. I already liked you. I meant we could try dating- like actually date."

"Oh."

"God, Max," Kevin stressed, hands landing on Max's shoulders so Max couldn't look away. "Do you know how easy it is to like you?"

"Easy?" Max felt choked.

"Easy as breathing. I liked you from the very first time we talked," Kevin said, tone soft and smile shy. "Being around you is so damn easy. And I enjoy every moment of it."

"Even when I'm a guy?" Max asked weakly.

"You're beautiful," Kevin told him, abruptly serious. And Max had never been called beautiful in such a tone before and it kind of took all his breath away. And Kevin had never been so close to him before. And he thought he might know what was happening, what Kevin's proximity meant, and Max wasn't sure he even remembered how to breath.

Kevin gave him plenty of time to pull away, but Max stayed froze; terrified and exhilarated. Max was quite sure his heart was going to beat itself to death against his ribcage, but he didn't care. And Kevin's lips were just as soft as they looked.

It was a short kiss, just a brush of lips really; then Kevin pulled away, giving Max a quick look over as if to make sure it was still okay. It was beyond okay. Another soft kiss, a bit firmer, a bit more confident. Then another, just as firm and just a bit longer. And Max's eyes slipped shut and he felt a bit like his might be floating. He didn't care.

Kevin's hands landed on his waist, barely touching him, and his own hands were on Kevin's arms.

Kevin was the one to pull away. Max reluctantly let his eyes open again, and Kevin lifted his hands to Max's face, gently cupping his cheeks.

"I really fucking like you, too," Max told him.

"Good," Kevin grinned now, cheeks a little pink. Max was sure he wasn't any better off. "Or this would have been really awkward."

-

"Eva!" Max shouts, bursting into her room without bothering to knock and Eva very nearly falls out of her desk chair.

"What the fuck, Max?" She half shouts back and Max is too thrilled to acknowledge her annoyance. "Can't you knock?"

"He kissed me!" Max tells her hardly able to drop his voice below yelling. He hopes that Bastien can't hear them from his room downstairs.

"He kissed you?" Eva repeated at the same volume, falling out of her chair for real now.

"I can't believe it," Max gushes. Probably looks like an idiot. "He kissed me."

"Tell me everything!" Eva orders, dragging him onto her bed with her and he tells her just about everything.

-

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Chris finally asks and Max looks over the lunch bench at him. Max can't help his grin, neck getting a bit warm, and he chances a look around but Jake and Sean are still nowhere in sight.

"I went out with Kevin this weekend," Max told him.

"So now you're in a good mood?" Chris teased. "Scandalous."

"He may have kissed me," Max said, face going hot and Chris' eyes go wide.

"He kissed you?" Chris repeated, and Max glared at Chris for saying it so loud, but no one seemed to notice.

"Yes." Max mumbled back.

"You mean you hadn't kissed yet?" Chris said, and Max frowned at him. "You guys have been dating for like a month."

"So what?" Max muttered, suddenly more embarrassed than elated.

"So," Chris seemed to think better of his words. "I'm just surprised."

"What were you going to say?" Max urged, and Chris floundered for a moment.

"I just." Chris hesitated again, and Max scowled at him. "I think it's really nice that he's taking it slow with you. I don't want you doing anything you don't feel comfortable with."

"No, Chris," Max recoiled, cheeks absolutely burning now. "Shut the fuck up."

"I'm serious," Chris smiled now. "I'm glad you're with someone who respects you and your boundaries."

"I want you to stop this."

"I'm just trying to support you," Chris laughed. "Intimacy is a scary thing."

"I want you to never speak to me again."

"You love me," Chris said, and Max just glared so he laughed. "But really. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Max said, softening up a little.

"And I want to know everything," Chris declared. "Best friends get first dibs on all the deets."

"I already told Eva," Max admitted.

"You bitch," Chris said. "I trusted you."

"And Brook and Meg." Chris made a wounded noise.

"Never mind," Chris declared, leaning back dramatically. "Best friend cancelled. I don't even want your deets anymore."

"No wait," Max laughed, couldn't help his grin. "I'll give you the best deets."

"No, fuck you."

-

Max didn't drink very often. He didn't really attend the parties his teammates did- was never really sure the invitation extended to him. He didn't really have occasion to drink and he was never entirely sure if he liked it or not. But he didn't say no when the opportunity presented itself, letting Chris drag him around with that enthusiastic grin.

Sitting around in Jake's room with Sean, Chris, Jonah and Remy wasn't much of a party. They were spread around Jake's room drinking the beers Jake's brother had bought them and taking shots of the rum Sean had stolen from his dad. They were playing Mario Kart as if it was still the best thing ever, taking shots when they lost and tossing controllers around.

Sean, Remy and Jonah were on the futon that was usually folded down into Jake's bed. Jake was slumped in his computer chair, glaring at the screen with way more focus than the game deserved, and Chris and Max were on the floor, leaning back on the futon and trying not to get kicked.

Max laughed when Chris' character was sent flying off the track. Chris reluctantly took the bottle that was handed to him, sipped while the other's jeered, and Max grinned at the disgust on Chris' face.

"That's fucking awful," Chris mumbled, handing the bottle back to Sean. He washed the taste down with his can of beer though Max didn't think the beer could taste that much better. Max had been reluctantly sipping his own beer for the better part of the evening, just past the point of tipsy from his last turn on the game.

"Get better and you won't have to drink it anymore," Sean told Chris, and Chris stuck his tongue out, cheeks flushed and eyes a bit dizzy. Unsurprisingly his playing didn't get much better the drunker he got.

Max's phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out, taking a few seconds longer than usual to get his screen unlocked. He'd been texting Kevin most of the evening, a back and forth about how bored Kevin was at the mandatory seminar he was attending, and Max telling him jokes to make it better- jokes that were making less and less sense but were cracking Max up while he wrote them. Max blinked at the message when he got the phone unlocked.

Kevin: you're starting to worry me

Kevin: I thought you were funny. Now I'm just disappointed and confused

Max: I am hilarity

Kevin: You sound like you're drunk

Kevin: Wait. Are you drunk?

Max: Might be getting there...

Max: Don't think that changes how funny I am. I know u secretly laughed. I laughed.

Kevin: Ur lucky you're cute or I'd be mad that ur having such a good time while I'm here suffering.

"What are you giggling about?" Chris said unhappily, turning from the screen when he fell again and squinting at Max.

"I don't giggle," Max argued, dragging his attention away from his phone.

"Who the fuck do you keep texting anyway?" Sean asked, now leaning forward on the futon to try and see the phone. "You have no friends."

"Hey, I'm his friend," Chris quickly defended, but there was laughter in his grin. Sean sniggered and almost fell onto Max.

"I'm not texting anyone," Max felt his neck heat up and quickly locked the screen before sloppily shoved his phone in his pocket. Belatedly he realized how suspicious that looked.

"Why are you so secretive? Are you sexting someone?" Remy asked, wiggling his brows suggestively and there were scattered laughs. Max narrowed his eyes in a glare.

"That's disgusting, Rem," Jake said, nose scrunching up, and Max flushed darker, scowling at Jake.

"You can't talk, Jay," Sean snorted and pointed at Jake. "You were literally sexting Hanna like two days ago, you fucking pervert."

"Yeah, but it's Max," Jake grimaced. "Don't even want to think about that."

"Um, rude," Chris was frowning a little, slumping against Max so he could stare Jake down, smiling a little drunk. Jake waved Chris off without really looking, the only one in the room still focusing on the game. "Max is great."

"Thanks, bro," Max rolled his eyes and Jake just shook his head.

"To be fair, it is really hard to picture Max with anyone," Jonah spoke up, smirking at Max. "He's just..."

"So innocent," Remy supplied and gave Max a playful kick that he scowled at.

"I was gonna call him a prude," Jonah said. "But that works to."

"Oh, fuck off," Max grumbled, and they laughed. Sean tried to mess with Max's hair but recoiled at the harsh slap he received.

"It'd be easier to take you seriously if you weren't already blushing," Sean teased.

"I'll kick your ass," Max warned and there was more laughing.

"Leave him alone, guys," Chris said and Max nudged him in silent thanks.

"We're just messing," Remy said, hands coming up in surrender. "We know he's not sexting anyone."

"Or sexing anyone," Jonah muttered, and they laughed while Max tried to fight the way his face violently heated. Max flipped Jonah off.

"Really?" Chris frowned now.

"You want us to pretend he's not a prude? Lie and spare his feelings?" Jake asked, giving Chris a bit of bored look. "If he wants to be treated like guy maybe he should stop acting like a girl."

There was the briefest of pauses, and the laughter was a bit awkward when Chris started glaring for real.

"No need to be a dick," Chris said, and Max blinked at the dangerous look he shared with Jake. A very quick mental calculation of the intoxicated way Chris was leaning on Max and the harsh look on Jake's face told Max this would not be a fight Chris would win.

"Fuck's sake, man," Max cut in, tone angrier than he intended. "Yeah I was texting a guy. A guy I've been seeing. It's not a big deal. Now can we just keep playing?"

"You're seeing someone?" Rem asked, taking the bait and breaking the tension with a surprised grin. "Ah man! That's great!"

"Told you the twink look would work for you," Sean snickered, and Max looked at him, exasperated.

"Fuck you, Sean," Max said without much heat, ignoring the hard pat on his shoulder, and they were laughing again, resuming the game. Max let out a small breath, tucking an arm around Chris' shoulder when he continued to grumble.

"You're great," Chris repeated petulantly, and Max could only grin down at the blond idiot.

"You're such a fucking light weight," Max mumbled back and Chris huffed.

Max relaxed against the futon but tensed right back up as his gaze met Jake's. The dark look on his face, lips pressed thin. Unsettling and threatening. Max swallowed the rest of his beer and huddled in against Chris for the unintentionally protection he offered. Max ignored the buzzing in his pocket until everyone else was asleep.

Max: say somtehing bbeutiful

Kevin: something beautiful? You want another poem?

Max: ya

Kevin: alright. Gimme a minute

Max: oK

Kevin: My heart starts to race, with every precious smile, on your lovely face.

Kevin: was that good enough?

Kevin: You still there?

Max: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Kevin: so you liked it?

Max: yes

Max: thansk

Kevin: you're adorable

Kevin: get some water <3


End file.
